There are days when I truly believe that I will go crazy. Snap like a twig. Like a dry, brittle, drought-stricken twig. Yesterday was one of those days.
The kids were all wound up from a weekend jam-packed with things going on. Grant's birthday party was Friday night. They played with their friends all day on Saturday. I had a friend come over with her daughter on Saturday night. They had another birthday party Sunday morning. Grant played football that afternoon and then there was the more "friend" time after that. Constant activity which quickly led to constant mouthiness.
The neighborhood Preteen Male Syndicate (PMS) was meeting for another afternoon of hijinx-planning when I stepped out into the garage and could not believe what I saw. (Well, I can believe it. I just didn't want to.) Total devastation. There were about four or five totes that usually held various odds and ends in them, contents strewn all over the garage. The large garbage bag full of packing peanuts that I save for shipments out of state was empty and the floor of the garage looked like January after a blizzard. A Garage Armageddon with ragged, dirty stuffed animals, various hotwheel tracks, shelving pieces, nerf guns and packing peanuts thrown every where. After spitting out some speech about the importance of respect and gratitude, I was able to get the boys to start cleaning up the mess. I stepped back inside for 10 seconds (I think Mia had stopped up a toilet or something) came back out to the garage to find the boys back on their skateboards/bikes/scooters with the garage completely uncleaned.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Not on my watch buddy. I sent the non-resident offenders home, which lead to loud shrieking of how evil of a mother I am. Resident offenders were sent to their rooms. Groundings threatened, swear words shrieked and over-all loud nastiness. And I do mean LOUD! I'm sure the barbeque at the church down the street loved to hear what a good mother I am. I decided that everyone needed to calm down and had each child take a shower.
It was quiet for 3.5 minutes. I walked into the boys' room and every piece of clothing that was in their dressers was on the floor. I walked into the bathroom. There were three toy dolphins, a few kitchen utensils, my (now empty) cotton-scented sugar scrub tube and a broken ceramic vase lying amid the goop of the now-freed sugar scrub on the bottom of the bathtub. There were three completely soaked towels on the floor. Two pairs of dirty boy underwear and five or six wet/dirty/stinky articles of clothing from the girl. Bright blue toothpaste (with sprinkles :)) smeared all over the sink and mirror.
I completely lost it. Loud voices. Sore throat. Slammed doors. Early bedtimes. It hadn't even been an hour from our conversation about respect and watching out for other people's things and just "not living like a total pig". It was if they had never heard me.
At all. After a nice quiet morning ("Rise and Shine!"), I came back into the kitchen this morning to find two bowls of Fruit Loops spilled all over the table, the floor and the female child. (I had been outside picking up the dead half of a rabbit that was a gift from the German Shepard. Lovely.) (BTW, after an evening of searching, I still haven't found the other half.)
Now I know children are messy. I am messy. If you've read any other entries in this blog, you know how much I hate to clean. Life is too short to be cleaning all of the time. Plus, when you're working a 9+ hour day (factor in commute time) plus activities, plus errands, there really is only so much time in a day. I am perfectly fine with a certain level of messiness. A few toys on the floor? No problem. A board game left out overnight? No big deal. Dirty dishes still in the sink? They can wait a few hours.
But the levels of mess that these kids were committing were no where near normal childhood messes. They were epic, over-the-top, gratuitous messes. Unnecessary filth. Monstrous chaos.Who uses one of their mother's high heel shoes to smash cereal on the counter top and then try to kill their brother with it? Who needs to take every article of dirty clothes out of the hamper and make a reading nook "nest?"
Worn out, I walked into work this morning desperate to find out a way to teach these children respect and to not lose my cool when dealing with them and the inevitable messes. And I remembered my dear, sweet cousin Margie. (She's one of those Reynolds' cousins I have talked about in the past.)
When Grant was about 18 months old, Grant had taken one of those bottles of diaper rash ointment and smeared it all over his body. Head to toe. He was like a little naked greased-up Casper the ghost. I tried washing him off, but do you realize that diaper rash ointment by design, was created to be waterproof? Freaking out and not knowing how to take care of the situation, I called up Margie. The first thing she asked me was, "So, did you take a picture?" Brilliant!
Taking the time to find the camera can break up any tension and turn what could be an explosive situation (sometimes literally) into a photo-op. And a lot of times that is what I really get mad about. No one ever witnesses the insanity of my life. Here I am in the house alone with these children, slowly going insane and with one or two clicks of the camera, I can have proof of what they are doing to me. See? I'm not going nuts. Someone shaved the dog. I have proof!
Armed with this little lightbulb, I now have a new approach to parenting. The kids will be doing a lot more picking up the house in the next few weeks. (Maybe if they see what a pain in the rear it is to clean it, they won't be as apt to mess it up. Fingers crossed.) And I'll be blogging a lot more. Some days it might only be pictures. And that's okay. I just need a witness.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Just a Number
So I've got a big birthday coming up and I don't know how I feel about it. Part of me is excited and the other part wants to throw up. I am going to be 40. And I know there are so many people older than I am and 40 is the new 20 and blah, blah, blah blah. But 40 is old. 40 is middle-aged. I am on the downhill slide to death. Uff dah that sounds grizzly.
But then I've had so many people tell me that their 40s were their favorite decade. That is the decade when you really step into your power. It's when you have the opportunity to make the best business decisions. You have experience, plus connections which can lead to explosive business opportunities. When you're in your 40s you still have energy. You have all of the wisdom that you gained after making all of those stupid mistakes in your 20s and 30s. You've gotten a system down (more or less) for parenting. You got a great network of friends. You're established in your career. Power.
But things are starting to sag. Physically. I've never been a thin woman, but parts of my body that I used to be proud of for their semi-in-shapeness are not even close any more. My ankles hurt a little bit when I walk and my back gets sore from sitting all day. And the gray hair! I came across an article today about saving money while dying your hair. One of the women that commented after the article suggested that we should not even try to cover our grays and embrace them and all that aging has to offer. She's nuts.
I'm only 40. If I let my grays show, I'd look like a grandma. And yes, I do realize that I could be 40 and a grandma. (Just typing these word out is making me wince, you realize. It's one thing to think you might be getting old. It's another to actually put your fears down in writing.) But I am not giving up entirely.
Sure it would be easy to just give in. Eat what ever I wanted. Drink my wine. Eat the nachos. And the donuts and the pasta with the rich sauces. (I should not blog when I'm hungry.) Stop dying my hair and wearing make-up. Wear comfy clothes and wait to die. But as tempting as that sounds, I'm not ready. Because I don't feel old.
And that's what other people say about turning 40. You're only as old as you feel. Well...I feel 28. I still listen to contemporary music. I'm into Rhianna and Lady Antebellum and just the other day I had the rock band Jet (not to be confused with the late 80s R&B/pop group) blaring from my minivan speakers. (Well, Deanna, you say, Jet was popular 8 years ago. What are you, old?) I can still rock out. Look out when I get my Muse on. And I get the Black Eyed Peas cranking when I'm cleaning the kitchen. The kids are mortified when I dance around like I'm a Solid Gold dancer (I keep aging myself, don't I?)
While I am nowhere close to dating again, I do notice guys when I bop around town. The problem is that most of the guys I am attracted to are all about the age I was the last time I was single. And that is pretty creepy. I now know why the whole "cougar" phenomenon exists and can empathize with "Dirty Old Men." It's not necessarily because they want to take advantage of a younger (more impressionable) woman, it's because they simply cannot come to grips mentally with the fact that they are old farts. It's tough.
But then I'm not an old fart. I'm not ready to give in. Seriously. I feel like there is a whole lot more for me to accomplish. I've got big goals and dreams. I want to run a marathon. I want to vacation in Greece. I want to drive a pink Cadillac. I just need to get a move on to accomplish those goals.
Which leads me to a cool thing that happened at the grocery store the other night. I stopped by one that I usually don't frequent to buy a bottle of wine and the clerk asked for my ID. Seriously. And he was visibly shocked when he looked at the date. Yeah, it says 1971, buddy. My body feels likes it's 40, my brain thinks like it's 29, but my skin looks like it's ageless! (Thank you Mary Kay cosmetics! --shameless self-promoting plug.) Now onto the Cadillac!
But then I've had so many people tell me that their 40s were their favorite decade. That is the decade when you really step into your power. It's when you have the opportunity to make the best business decisions. You have experience, plus connections which can lead to explosive business opportunities. When you're in your 40s you still have energy. You have all of the wisdom that you gained after making all of those stupid mistakes in your 20s and 30s. You've gotten a system down (more or less) for parenting. You got a great network of friends. You're established in your career. Power.
But things are starting to sag. Physically. I've never been a thin woman, but parts of my body that I used to be proud of for their semi-in-shapeness are not even close any more. My ankles hurt a little bit when I walk and my back gets sore from sitting all day. And the gray hair! I came across an article today about saving money while dying your hair. One of the women that commented after the article suggested that we should not even try to cover our grays and embrace them and all that aging has to offer. She's nuts.
I'm only 40. If I let my grays show, I'd look like a grandma. And yes, I do realize that I could be 40 and a grandma. (Just typing these word out is making me wince, you realize. It's one thing to think you might be getting old. It's another to actually put your fears down in writing.) But I am not giving up entirely.
Sure it would be easy to just give in. Eat what ever I wanted. Drink my wine. Eat the nachos. And the donuts and the pasta with the rich sauces. (I should not blog when I'm hungry.) Stop dying my hair and wearing make-up. Wear comfy clothes and wait to die. But as tempting as that sounds, I'm not ready. Because I don't feel old.
And that's what other people say about turning 40. You're only as old as you feel. Well...I feel 28. I still listen to contemporary music. I'm into Rhianna and Lady Antebellum and just the other day I had the rock band Jet (not to be confused with the late 80s R&B/pop group) blaring from my minivan speakers. (Well, Deanna, you say, Jet was popular 8 years ago. What are you, old?) I can still rock out. Look out when I get my Muse on. And I get the Black Eyed Peas cranking when I'm cleaning the kitchen. The kids are mortified when I dance around like I'm a Solid Gold dancer (I keep aging myself, don't I?)
While I am nowhere close to dating again, I do notice guys when I bop around town. The problem is that most of the guys I am attracted to are all about the age I was the last time I was single. And that is pretty creepy. I now know why the whole "cougar" phenomenon exists and can empathize with "Dirty Old Men." It's not necessarily because they want to take advantage of a younger (more impressionable) woman, it's because they simply cannot come to grips mentally with the fact that they are old farts. It's tough.
But then I'm not an old fart. I'm not ready to give in. Seriously. I feel like there is a whole lot more for me to accomplish. I've got big goals and dreams. I want to run a marathon. I want to vacation in Greece. I want to drive a pink Cadillac. I just need to get a move on to accomplish those goals.
Which leads me to a cool thing that happened at the grocery store the other night. I stopped by one that I usually don't frequent to buy a bottle of wine and the clerk asked for my ID. Seriously. And he was visibly shocked when he looked at the date. Yeah, it says 1971, buddy. My body feels likes it's 40, my brain thinks like it's 29, but my skin looks like it's ageless! (Thank you Mary Kay cosmetics! --shameless self-promoting plug.) Now onto the Cadillac!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
That's Nuts
I've decided there is no such thing as summer. There's just baseball. Good thing I love baseball.
If you've read any of my other blog posts, or have children yourself, you are familiar with the "Wham, bam, Thank You Ma'am" speed of life. Today I called ahead to the house to have the babysitter have Grant get his uniform on for his 6pm game. I would be home at 5:10 and the coach likes them at the game 45 minutes early (and I will tell you that it is longer than a 5 minute drive.) (And don't even get me started about the trip to the eye doctors to fix his broken glasses.)
Of course, I get home and Grant is not dressed, but making himself a bowl of ice cream. So I whisk him upstairs and scramble to find all of his gear. Luckily, we had a 3-day weekend, so I was able to cram in some cleaning and a little bit of laundry and his uniform was clean and waiting for us. I also cleaned his...athletic undergarments and its funny-shaped accessory.
We were rushing to get dressed. He was wriggling on his shirt. I was trying to figure out how to put the slightly curved, triangular-shaped protective thingamabob in his shorts. Which end goes up? (They really should put arrows on those things.) How the heck does this thing work?
And Grant says to me, "What Mom, you didn't wear a nut cup when you played softball?" (The one whole season I played.)
"Nope," I explained. "Girls don't wear nut cups."
The look on his face was priceless. "You mean they make them suffer?" he said. Shock, mixed with sadness for the fairer sex.
Yes, honey. For the rest of our lives.
If you've read any of my other blog posts, or have children yourself, you are familiar with the "Wham, bam, Thank You Ma'am" speed of life. Today I called ahead to the house to have the babysitter have Grant get his uniform on for his 6pm game. I would be home at 5:10 and the coach likes them at the game 45 minutes early (and I will tell you that it is longer than a 5 minute drive.) (And don't even get me started about the trip to the eye doctors to fix his broken glasses.)
Of course, I get home and Grant is not dressed, but making himself a bowl of ice cream. So I whisk him upstairs and scramble to find all of his gear. Luckily, we had a 3-day weekend, so I was able to cram in some cleaning and a little bit of laundry and his uniform was clean and waiting for us. I also cleaned his...athletic undergarments and its funny-shaped accessory.
We were rushing to get dressed. He was wriggling on his shirt. I was trying to figure out how to put the slightly curved, triangular-shaped protective thingamabob in his shorts. Which end goes up? (They really should put arrows on those things.) How the heck does this thing work?
And Grant says to me, "What Mom, you didn't wear a nut cup when you played softball?" (The one whole season I played.)
"Nope," I explained. "Girls don't wear nut cups."
The look on his face was priceless. "You mean they make them suffer?" he said. Shock, mixed with sadness for the fairer sex.
Yes, honey. For the rest of our lives.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Rock Star
The crack of the bat. The ball hitting the glove. The crunch of the seeds. It is baseball season once again in the Capital City.
We've actually spent a majority of our lives sitting on the sidelines of my oldest son's athletic pursuits. Spencer and Mia are usually the tag-alongs while we watch Grant hit, slide, shoot and score in a whatever sport he could get his hands on. I convinced Spencer, my middle one, to try baseball one last time before giving it up forever. (Sniffle.) And he had practice tonight.
So Spencer went off with his team, trying to get all excited about a sport that doesn't involve a wii remote. Grant and Mia ran over to the playground to play with the other tag-along siblings. Which by the way, were all 3-5 year old little girls. About eight of them. Grant, my almost 10-year old, and eight 3-5 year old little girls.
The sound of pleasure, mixed with terror, at a decibel and pitch unknown to any musical scale, that is what we would hear as he flopped his lanky not-quite-teenage body on the end of the teeter totter, sending the pigtailed little sissies flying up in the air.
"You're so scary!" "Ahhhhh!!!" "Do it AGAIN!" they would scream as he would chase after them imitating a monster-eating zombie all over the playground. He'd push them higher and higher on the swings, much higher than they could get on their own and so much faster. Now they all had older brothers. But those dorks were their older brothers. This older brother was cool. Exciting. A Rock Star.
Grant was eating it up. To these little girls he was like Elvis, Mick Jagger and Justin Bieber rolled into one. He was so great with these little girls, showing them the right amount of excitement and danger, but looking out for their best interests at the same time. A complete opposite of the way he is at home, where he would just as soon use your arm as a test subject for some strange science experiment involving Windex, Pop Rocks, and peanut butter.
And that's when it hit me, the answer to making the world a better place: We all just need to treat each other like Rock Stars. That's all everyone really wants anyway. It's not the cars or the gadgets or the diamonds and pearls. All people really want is for someone to think that they are kind of cool. Everyone wants to feel important.
So my advice is (if you want to help me try this experiment that doesn't involve household cleaners and small explosive candy), go up to someone today or tomorrow and compliment them. Tell them how important they are to you. Let them know that they are really awesome at something. Let them know that they excite and inspire you. And then, ask for their autograph.
We've actually spent a majority of our lives sitting on the sidelines of my oldest son's athletic pursuits. Spencer and Mia are usually the tag-alongs while we watch Grant hit, slide, shoot and score in a whatever sport he could get his hands on. I convinced Spencer, my middle one, to try baseball one last time before giving it up forever. (Sniffle.) And he had practice tonight.
So Spencer went off with his team, trying to get all excited about a sport that doesn't involve a wii remote. Grant and Mia ran over to the playground to play with the other tag-along siblings. Which by the way, were all 3-5 year old little girls. About eight of them. Grant, my almost 10-year old, and eight 3-5 year old little girls.
The sound of pleasure, mixed with terror, at a decibel and pitch unknown to any musical scale, that is what we would hear as he flopped his lanky not-quite-teenage body on the end of the teeter totter, sending the pigtailed little sissies flying up in the air.
"You're so scary!" "Ahhhhh!!!" "Do it AGAIN!" they would scream as he would chase after them imitating a monster-eating zombie all over the playground. He'd push them higher and higher on the swings, much higher than they could get on their own and so much faster. Now they all had older brothers. But those dorks were their older brothers. This older brother was cool. Exciting. A Rock Star.
Grant was eating it up. To these little girls he was like Elvis, Mick Jagger and Justin Bieber rolled into one. He was so great with these little girls, showing them the right amount of excitement and danger, but looking out for their best interests at the same time. A complete opposite of the way he is at home, where he would just as soon use your arm as a test subject for some strange science experiment involving Windex, Pop Rocks, and peanut butter.
And that's when it hit me, the answer to making the world a better place: We all just need to treat each other like Rock Stars. That's all everyone really wants anyway. It's not the cars or the gadgets or the diamonds and pearls. All people really want is for someone to think that they are kind of cool. Everyone wants to feel important.
So my advice is (if you want to help me try this experiment that doesn't involve household cleaners and small explosive candy), go up to someone today or tomorrow and compliment them. Tell them how important they are to you. Let them know that they are really awesome at something. Let them know that they excite and inspire you. And then, ask for their autograph.
Monday, April 11, 2011
The Dogs and the Gift
"Well, you gave him a good home and a good life and that's all they really want."
I heard the vet talking to the patient ahead of me today at the clinic. I was bringing in my two dogs, Rosie and Lacey for their regular visit. Rosie is a big black German Shepard/Border Collie mix that we rescued from the Capital Humane Society almost 7 years ago. She's old (about 9 now), lazy and pretty chunky. The only time she gets up from her comfy spot on the carpet is to eat or to go. Lacey is a 4 year old West Highland Terrier with a lot of energy and smart naughty skills. And my dogs love to test me.
We got Rosie when we moved into our new house. At that point in time, it was just Chris and I and the boys. I felt like we needed another female presence in the house, so we went to the shelter. She came up to us and offered us her belly and we knew we had to take her home. (I found out I was pregnant with Mia the next day.) Rosie is not good with other dogs. She gets nervous and wants to protect us from them. I think its the herding breed instincts in her. Protect the flock. When the kids have friends over and they play "Light Saber Duel," she goes nuts. She is so afraid that someone will hurt one of her sheep.
We got Lacey from Chris' boss about two years ago. She just loves to bark. And she has the most ear-piercing loud arf you've ever heard. She'll bark at anything with fur or feathers and is just dying to "have at it" and rip its head off. Once a possum moved into the neighbors yard. I have never heard such a frustrated yelp of desire. (Okay yes, that sounds clumsy, but that was exactly what it sounded like.) She wanted sooooo badly to kill that possum. To taste its sweaty, dirty possum-y body in her mouth and to shake it until it couldn't fake it. Arf!
Since Chris has been gone, these two furry "children" are what lets me sleep at night. Knowing that they are so protective of us. Knowing that they will alert us to danger. That they will fight tooth and paw to keep me and the kids safe. I love my dogs.
And I hate my dogs. Once I returned to work they started to rebel. One morning I found an obvious yellow stain on the carpeted floor in the t.v. room. Not knowing which dog it was, I cleaned it up only to find a fresh stain the next day. We tried putting one dog in her kennel. New stain. We put the offending dog in the garage. Another new stain. And then we figured it out. They were marking on top of each other. Lacey would go and then Rosie in her "one-updog" mentality would have to go on top of where Lacey just went. Of course, her aim isn't good. So in any case, you can imagine......my carpets are getting pretty much ruined.
I think I have figured out a solution, however. I didn't want to keep the dogs in their kennel all day and I have been opposed to shock collars my whole life. I love animals and do not want them to be injured in anyway. But Chris got one of those area sound and shock collars. It emits a sound when the dog gets too close to an area that we want them to avoid and then gives them a small shock. Sound first, then the shock. Both of my dogs are smart cookies and it took them only one quick shock to associate the sound with the ouch and they have avoided the "indoor" bathroom area of the living room for weeks.
Today they had their vet appointment. I took the collars off the dogs and got them in the van. Both dogs are nervous to be in a car. I would be too. How can they possibly understand the concept of movement when you are standing still? Lacey was all over the seats looking out the windows at the scenery rushing by. Rosie was quivering like a big fat hairy baby next to me.
We got to the vets office and they were going crazy. Smelling everywhere. Ohhhh!!!!! The smells! I could only imagine that a trip to the vets office would be like going to some hotspot night club. Smelling the chihuahuas, the Labradors, the hounds, the dachshunds, the poodles.... they couldn't get their sniffers full....
And then I heard the vet talking to the man before me. I couldn't see him and it took a second before I knew exactly what the vet meant by "You gave him a good life." The man had come to the vet with his beloved pet and now he was going home. Alone. The man was in his 50's. Older and established. His eyes met mine as he was walking out the door. They were filled with tears. I don't think I have ever seen a man his age cry before. My heart was breaking for him.
I could only imagine the car ride home. Alone. Walking into his house to give his wife the news. Looking at the water and food bowls knowing that he didn't need to fill them tonight. Or tomorrow. Or ever again. Watching t.v. and not having that soft fur to stroke mindlessly while the news of the day blared from the screen. Barbecuing in the back yard with no quick little furry blur to eat up any fallen hot dogs. Walking around the block without something tugging on its leash trying to get you to go faster, or trying to get you to stay just a few more minutes because this hydrant smells oh-so interesting. Going to sleep that night without that feeling of safety and security provided by the four-legged, foul-breathed guardian angel that sleeps at the foot of your bed.
So, I bought my girls an extra bone. Stocked up on their Frontline and heartworm medicine and came home. I went back to work for the afternoon more appreciative about the world we live in. How God gives us little gifts everywhere we go. How our world has been made so perfectly for us. He not only gave us each other, but He gave us wonderful creatures who love us as much as we love them.
After I picked up the kids from school, I pulled into my driveway and saw my canine girls with their tails wagging wildly at the window. Barking with excitement and so happy that we were home. I dropped to my knees to hug them and kiss them and let them know how great it was to be back. To let them know how much I loved them. Only to feel a strange dampness on my knees. Hmm.
It looks like my girls gave me a little gift of their own.
I heard the vet talking to the patient ahead of me today at the clinic. I was bringing in my two dogs, Rosie and Lacey for their regular visit. Rosie is a big black German Shepard/Border Collie mix that we rescued from the Capital Humane Society almost 7 years ago. She's old (about 9 now), lazy and pretty chunky. The only time she gets up from her comfy spot on the carpet is to eat or to go. Lacey is a 4 year old West Highland Terrier with a lot of energy and smart naughty skills. And my dogs love to test me.
We got Rosie when we moved into our new house. At that point in time, it was just Chris and I and the boys. I felt like we needed another female presence in the house, so we went to the shelter. She came up to us and offered us her belly and we knew we had to take her home. (I found out I was pregnant with Mia the next day.) Rosie is not good with other dogs. She gets nervous and wants to protect us from them. I think its the herding breed instincts in her. Protect the flock. When the kids have friends over and they play "Light Saber Duel," she goes nuts. She is so afraid that someone will hurt one of her sheep.
We got Lacey from Chris' boss about two years ago. She just loves to bark. And she has the most ear-piercing loud arf you've ever heard. She'll bark at anything with fur or feathers and is just dying to "have at it" and rip its head off. Once a possum moved into the neighbors yard. I have never heard such a frustrated yelp of desire. (Okay yes, that sounds clumsy, but that was exactly what it sounded like.) She wanted sooooo badly to kill that possum. To taste its sweaty, dirty possum-y body in her mouth and to shake it until it couldn't fake it. Arf!
Since Chris has been gone, these two furry "children" are what lets me sleep at night. Knowing that they are so protective of us. Knowing that they will alert us to danger. That they will fight tooth and paw to keep me and the kids safe. I love my dogs.
And I hate my dogs. Once I returned to work they started to rebel. One morning I found an obvious yellow stain on the carpeted floor in the t.v. room. Not knowing which dog it was, I cleaned it up only to find a fresh stain the next day. We tried putting one dog in her kennel. New stain. We put the offending dog in the garage. Another new stain. And then we figured it out. They were marking on top of each other. Lacey would go and then Rosie in her "one-updog" mentality would have to go on top of where Lacey just went. Of course, her aim isn't good. So in any case, you can imagine......my carpets are getting pretty much ruined.
I think I have figured out a solution, however. I didn't want to keep the dogs in their kennel all day and I have been opposed to shock collars my whole life. I love animals and do not want them to be injured in anyway. But Chris got one of those area sound and shock collars. It emits a sound when the dog gets too close to an area that we want them to avoid and then gives them a small shock. Sound first, then the shock. Both of my dogs are smart cookies and it took them only one quick shock to associate the sound with the ouch and they have avoided the "indoor" bathroom area of the living room for weeks.
Today they had their vet appointment. I took the collars off the dogs and got them in the van. Both dogs are nervous to be in a car. I would be too. How can they possibly understand the concept of movement when you are standing still? Lacey was all over the seats looking out the windows at the scenery rushing by. Rosie was quivering like a big fat hairy baby next to me.
We got to the vets office and they were going crazy. Smelling everywhere. Ohhhh!!!!! The smells! I could only imagine that a trip to the vets office would be like going to some hotspot night club. Smelling the chihuahuas, the Labradors, the hounds, the dachshunds, the poodles.... they couldn't get their sniffers full....
And then I heard the vet talking to the man before me. I couldn't see him and it took a second before I knew exactly what the vet meant by "You gave him a good life." The man had come to the vet with his beloved pet and now he was going home. Alone. The man was in his 50's. Older and established. His eyes met mine as he was walking out the door. They were filled with tears. I don't think I have ever seen a man his age cry before. My heart was breaking for him.
I could only imagine the car ride home. Alone. Walking into his house to give his wife the news. Looking at the water and food bowls knowing that he didn't need to fill them tonight. Or tomorrow. Or ever again. Watching t.v. and not having that soft fur to stroke mindlessly while the news of the day blared from the screen. Barbecuing in the back yard with no quick little furry blur to eat up any fallen hot dogs. Walking around the block without something tugging on its leash trying to get you to go faster, or trying to get you to stay just a few more minutes because this hydrant smells oh-so interesting. Going to sleep that night without that feeling of safety and security provided by the four-legged, foul-breathed guardian angel that sleeps at the foot of your bed.
So, I bought my girls an extra bone. Stocked up on their Frontline and heartworm medicine and came home. I went back to work for the afternoon more appreciative about the world we live in. How God gives us little gifts everywhere we go. How our world has been made so perfectly for us. He not only gave us each other, but He gave us wonderful creatures who love us as much as we love them.
After I picked up the kids from school, I pulled into my driveway and saw my canine girls with their tails wagging wildly at the window. Barking with excitement and so happy that we were home. I dropped to my knees to hug them and kiss them and let them know how great it was to be back. To let them know how much I loved them. Only to feel a strange dampness on my knees. Hmm.
It looks like my girls gave me a little gift of their own.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
The Bridge and The Apple
The ability to read = Freedom. I just realized a few days ago, that I don't have to read the subtitles at movies any more for Grant and Spencer. They can read. Mia can sound stuff out, but not fast enough for a movie scene. Not yet anyway. So my kids do a lot of reading and asking questions.
We were driving around today and were waiting at a stop light on the corner of 70th and Vine right next to a church called The Bridge.
"What's that Mom? Why do they call it The Bridge? It doesn't look like a bridge, it looks like a building."
I'm sure with more thought, I could have explained that that is a place people can go to feel connected to God and Heaven, much like a bridge connects people to where they want to go. That would have been the smart answer, but remember I'm in marketing.
"Well, I think they called it that because some people don't like to go to Church," I emphasised this last line. (I've been trying to get them to go to Mass with me and it's like a battlefield. Bribes don't even work anymore.) "So, the Church people thought if they named it something different, maybe more people would come and get the benefits of going and hearing the message."
"The Bridge?" Grant said, thinking of other things The Bridge sounded like. "So do they think they're going to a bar?"
The apple does not fall far from the marketing tree. And of course that got my creative juices flowing...to name a church after a nightclub: The Little Lambs Lounge? Galilean Grill? Trinity Pub? Heavenly Angels Honky Tonk? Disciples Discotheque? Saints and Saloons?
There probably already is a Garden of Eden, but I don't think that's probably a place to hear a good message. Or get an apple.
We were driving around today and were waiting at a stop light on the corner of 70th and Vine right next to a church called The Bridge.
"What's that Mom? Why do they call it The Bridge? It doesn't look like a bridge, it looks like a building."
I'm sure with more thought, I could have explained that that is a place people can go to feel connected to God and Heaven, much like a bridge connects people to where they want to go. That would have been the smart answer, but remember I'm in marketing.
"Well, I think they called it that because some people don't like to go to Church," I emphasised this last line. (I've been trying to get them to go to Mass with me and it's like a battlefield. Bribes don't even work anymore.) "So, the Church people thought if they named it something different, maybe more people would come and get the benefits of going and hearing the message."
"The Bridge?" Grant said, thinking of other things The Bridge sounded like. "So do they think they're going to a bar?"
The apple does not fall far from the marketing tree. And of course that got my creative juices flowing...to name a church after a nightclub: The Little Lambs Lounge? Galilean Grill? Trinity Pub? Heavenly Angels Honky Tonk? Disciples Discotheque? Saints and Saloons?
There probably already is a Garden of Eden, but I don't think that's probably a place to hear a good message. Or get an apple.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
The Answer to the Mystery Machine
So today, I took my lunch break. (From work. Because I have a job now!) And I ran some errands. One of the errands I had to run was to go to a bank (Which is not the bank that I work at. I plan on transferring things, just not yet.) I was sitting in line at the drive-up when I saw it.....The Mystery Machine.
If you live in Lincoln, NE you have probably seen it. Somebody got a van and painted it to look exactly like the Mystery Machine from the old Scooby Doo cartoon. The same bright aqua and purple paint. The logo exactly the same as the cartoon. And if you weren't thinking too hard about the fact that cartoons don't really exist in the real world, you could imagine Fred behind the wheel and Scooby and Shaggy eating scooby snacks in the back.
This Mystery Machine is famous in Northeast Lincoln. My kids have seen it and wondered. Other kids have seen it and rumored. Who is it that drives the Mystery Machine all over the neighborhood? Is it a mega-fan of the show? Is it an anime-loving cartoon-aholic? Is it some cheeky advertising executive that thinks its artsy/retro-cool? Is it some teenage burnout that giggles at the thought of opening the van doors only to find clouds of smoke and the essence of "scooby snacks?" Is it Shaggy?
I finally saw the driver of the Mystery Machine today. He is a 50-something dude with a big bushy beard and khakis. He looked a lot more like a professor than a burnout. Glasses and a beige jacket, he looked like he was going to lead a class on anthropology. Not find out who was behind the zombie dilemma at the new cemetery country club.
He was walking out to his van at the same time another guy was walking out of the bank. This other guy looked like a thug. Now that I'm working at a bank, I'm constantly on the lookout for thugs. He had a ball cap on, pants slung low, underwear all up in there....or all up out of there...or wherever it is that thugs put their undergarments these days. He looked a little thug-ish. And he was texting.
Wanna-be Scooby got in his van. Thug-kid was texting on his phone and walking out into the parking lot. Wanna-be Scooby started up the car. Thug-kid was texting and not paying attention and walked right into the path of the reversing Mystery Machine. He didn't even see it. The Mystery Machine for crying out loud.
The van came inches from running the thug over. Inches. The Mystery Machine went forward, obviously not even seeing the thug, still in the van's blind spot. The thug gave the Mystery Machine the finger. Nice.
At this point, I knew I had to decide who to root for. If a cop came, the decision would be in favor of the pedestrian (Thug). Drivers should be cautious and look for any obstacles/pedestrians/baggy pants-wearing wanna-be gangstas in their way. But this idiot was so oblivious to the world around him. He was so engrossed in his text conversation. He was walking right in the middle of the parking lot. And almost got hit. BY THE FREAKING MYSTERY MACHINE! How do you not notice that and get the heck out of the way? Fred, Daphne, Velma, Scooby and Shaggy are coming straight at you. How do you not move over?
Turns out meddling kids these days wear their pants too low or their underwear too high. And they are so engrossed in not talking to each other that they would sacrifice their lives in order to text "clues" to one another.
Ruh-roh Raggy. There's a monster on the loose and his name is Thug on the Phone. Or Thug n' Thumbs. Or The Saggy Pants Text-a-holic. Or Phone Thugs N' Harmony. Something like that.
If you live in Lincoln, NE you have probably seen it. Somebody got a van and painted it to look exactly like the Mystery Machine from the old Scooby Doo cartoon. The same bright aqua and purple paint. The logo exactly the same as the cartoon. And if you weren't thinking too hard about the fact that cartoons don't really exist in the real world, you could imagine Fred behind the wheel and Scooby and Shaggy eating scooby snacks in the back.
This Mystery Machine is famous in Northeast Lincoln. My kids have seen it and wondered. Other kids have seen it and rumored. Who is it that drives the Mystery Machine all over the neighborhood? Is it a mega-fan of the show? Is it an anime-loving cartoon-aholic? Is it some cheeky advertising executive that thinks its artsy/retro-cool? Is it some teenage burnout that giggles at the thought of opening the van doors only to find clouds of smoke and the essence of "scooby snacks?" Is it Shaggy?
I finally saw the driver of the Mystery Machine today. He is a 50-something dude with a big bushy beard and khakis. He looked a lot more like a professor than a burnout. Glasses and a beige jacket, he looked like he was going to lead a class on anthropology. Not find out who was behind the zombie dilemma at the new cemetery country club.
He was walking out to his van at the same time another guy was walking out of the bank. This other guy looked like a thug. Now that I'm working at a bank, I'm constantly on the lookout for thugs. He had a ball cap on, pants slung low, underwear all up in there....or all up out of there...or wherever it is that thugs put their undergarments these days. He looked a little thug-ish. And he was texting.
Wanna-be Scooby got in his van. Thug-kid was texting on his phone and walking out into the parking lot. Wanna-be Scooby started up the car. Thug-kid was texting and not paying attention and walked right into the path of the reversing Mystery Machine. He didn't even see it. The Mystery Machine for crying out loud.
The van came inches from running the thug over. Inches. The Mystery Machine went forward, obviously not even seeing the thug, still in the van's blind spot. The thug gave the Mystery Machine the finger. Nice.
At this point, I knew I had to decide who to root for. If a cop came, the decision would be in favor of the pedestrian (Thug). Drivers should be cautious and look for any obstacles/pedestrians/baggy pants-wearing wanna-be gangstas in their way. But this idiot was so oblivious to the world around him. He was so engrossed in his text conversation. He was walking right in the middle of the parking lot. And almost got hit. BY THE FREAKING MYSTERY MACHINE! How do you not notice that and get the heck out of the way? Fred, Daphne, Velma, Scooby and Shaggy are coming straight at you. How do you not move over?
Turns out meddling kids these days wear their pants too low or their underwear too high. And they are so engrossed in not talking to each other that they would sacrifice their lives in order to text "clues" to one another.
Ruh-roh Raggy. There's a monster on the loose and his name is Thug on the Phone. Or Thug n' Thumbs. Or The Saggy Pants Text-a-holic. Or Phone Thugs N' Harmony. Something like that.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Piece of Cake
"Zach has loo-kee-mata," Grant said when he came home from school one day.
Thinking I misheard him I asked, "You mean mononucleosis?" Not that most 8-year olds get the kissing disease, but I didn't want to think about the alternative.
"No, it's a kind of cancer," Grant said. One of his classmates, a little boy that he had known since pre-school had leukemia.
I've been fortunate in my radio career to be able to go down to St. Jude's Research Center in Memphis, Tenn. The amazing work down there has drastically changed the survival rates of childhood blood cancers. Now, with the right treatment and prayers, kids who are diagnosed with leukemia have a 94% survival rate. Of course, the treatment sucks. Kids miss a lot of school. And it is expensive.
So Grant's Cub Scout pack decided to do a Cake Auction fundraiser. I love to bake so I was all up for it. It was not a competition. It was a fundraiser. However, the idea of my cake bringing in a huge bid was exciting so I knew I needed to get creative. I also knew my target was 8-9 year old boys and their parents. So I hit the internet and stole the idea to do 2 little cakes that looked like wii remotes.
Of course the morning I was doing these I was completely rushed and had to drag all three kids with me from store to store, so I had to use some shortcuts. I used already made frozen pound cake, rolled out premade fondant and bought some of those edible markers you can get at Michaels. Easy as pie, except that it was cake.
We headed over to the auction with our creations and picked up an extra 5 or 6 neighborhood kids on our way there. Not on purpose. But when you see a lady walking down the street with 2 cakes in her hand, you follow. I'm the new Pied Piper of my neighborhood. I brought $10 because I knew my kids would want to buy a cake of their own.
I put my cake down on the auction table and was amazed at what I saw. There were probably about 30 cakes there. All different kinds and shapes and flavors. Some absolutely gorgeous. Some plain. Cupcakes, pirate cakes, Cub Scout cakes, tiered cakes, treasure cakes, a Stormtrooper cake (!)... Amazing.
I asked which cake the kids wanted to take home and Grant told me he had his eye on the Army cake. Grant is very into all things military and this cake was incredible. It had little plastic Army guys all over it. A tank next to it. The frosting was a mix of green and brown food coloring and looked a little like camouflage. There were crumbled up bits of graham cracker to look like "dirt." This was a cool cake. And it was towards the end of the auction.
The auction began and I started to get nervous. The bidding started at $5 and almost all of the cakes went for at least $15. Most went for $30 or more. When the (plain) homemade German chocolate cake went for $51, I got really nervous. I only brought $10. How was I going to get Grant his Army cake?
And then I remembered my Aunt Terri. Just a few days earlier I had gotten a note in the mail. I had seen my Aunt Terri at my cousin T's wedding a month ago when I was still unemployed and going through my rough patch. She sent me a little note telling me how much she enjoyed seeing my kids and how I was in her prayers. Inside the note, she stuck a check for $50.
I received this note a week after I started my new job at the bank. I didn't know what to do with the money. I know she wanted to help me out of a rough spot, but I was now getting out of the rough spot and I felt like I didn't deserve it anymore. Thank goodness, my run of bad luck was over. My mom said that Aunt Terri wanted me to have it even still. "To spend it on something fun with the kids."
The Army cake was coming up for bid. With Aunt Terri's help, I knew I could put in a bid. And then some. The bids went up and up and up. I kept raising my hand. "$25...who's got $26?" I do! I do!
The frenzy of an auction can be intoxicating. You don't ever really feel like you're buying something, you feel more like you're winning something. And I felt like I could really win this cake.
"$45 now, who's got $46?" the auctioneer called out.
"I've got $50!!!!" I yelled, so excited to try and make my little folks happy.
"51!" Someone yelled from the back of the room. "$55!" "I've got 60!" The bids kept going up and up. Higher and higher.
"Mom! Bid higher!" Grant pleaded. But I couldn't. Even with my generous gift, I don't have that much money. I've got a job now, but I also have a year's worth of unemployment debt to recover from.
The cake finally went for $78. Grant started to cry. We had lost the cake he had his hopes on.
"That's okay Grant," I told him. "Remember, the money is going to Zach." (And it turns out that particular cake was going to Zach too. The winning bidder wanted Zach to have that cake.)
There were only two more cakes up for auction. One of them being perhaps the biggest sheet cake I have ever seen in my life. It had the Cub Scouts Bears logo on it and it took almost two people to hold it up. The neighborhood kids who were sitting with me were anxious. To come to a cake auction and come away with no cake just didn't seem fair. And then the bidding began....
"$25...$30....$32....$35....$38?"
"$40!" I yelled and raised my hand!
"Sold! To the woman in the front row with the 20 kids!" My little crew got so excited. They couldn't wait to get a closer look at that cake. I needed a couple of them to help me carry the thing home, it was so huge.
We got back and everyone had a slice. And then some. I took a third of the cake over to the neighbors and sent each group of kids home with another huge chunk. We have had cake for breakfast for the past 3 days. And there is still some left in the refrigerator.
It made me feel fantastic to be able to buy that cake. I was able to get something fun for my kids. I was able to get something fun for all of the kids in the neighborhood. I was able to feed my neighbors. And I was able to help out a kid who was going through his rough patch. A patch rougher than I have ever had to face.
Now, if you can do the math, you must realize that I only spent $40 on that cake. And Aunt Terri gave me $50. What am I going to do with the other $10?
I am going to the store to get some little Army guys, a tank and some graham crackers and I am going to bake the most fantastic Army cake ever!!!!!
Thinking I misheard him I asked, "You mean mononucleosis?" Not that most 8-year olds get the kissing disease, but I didn't want to think about the alternative.
"No, it's a kind of cancer," Grant said. One of his classmates, a little boy that he had known since pre-school had leukemia.
I've been fortunate in my radio career to be able to go down to St. Jude's Research Center in Memphis, Tenn. The amazing work down there has drastically changed the survival rates of childhood blood cancers. Now, with the right treatment and prayers, kids who are diagnosed with leukemia have a 94% survival rate. Of course, the treatment sucks. Kids miss a lot of school. And it is expensive.
So Grant's Cub Scout pack decided to do a Cake Auction fundraiser. I love to bake so I was all up for it. It was not a competition. It was a fundraiser. However, the idea of my cake bringing in a huge bid was exciting so I knew I needed to get creative. I also knew my target was 8-9 year old boys and their parents. So I hit the internet and stole the idea to do 2 little cakes that looked like wii remotes.
Of course the morning I was doing these I was completely rushed and had to drag all three kids with me from store to store, so I had to use some shortcuts. I used already made frozen pound cake, rolled out premade fondant and bought some of those edible markers you can get at Michaels. Easy as pie, except that it was cake.
We headed over to the auction with our creations and picked up an extra 5 or 6 neighborhood kids on our way there. Not on purpose. But when you see a lady walking down the street with 2 cakes in her hand, you follow. I'm the new Pied Piper of my neighborhood. I brought $10 because I knew my kids would want to buy a cake of their own.
I put my cake down on the auction table and was amazed at what I saw. There were probably about 30 cakes there. All different kinds and shapes and flavors. Some absolutely gorgeous. Some plain. Cupcakes, pirate cakes, Cub Scout cakes, tiered cakes, treasure cakes, a Stormtrooper cake (!)... Amazing.
I asked which cake the kids wanted to take home and Grant told me he had his eye on the Army cake. Grant is very into all things military and this cake was incredible. It had little plastic Army guys all over it. A tank next to it. The frosting was a mix of green and brown food coloring and looked a little like camouflage. There were crumbled up bits of graham cracker to look like "dirt." This was a cool cake. And it was towards the end of the auction.
The auction began and I started to get nervous. The bidding started at $5 and almost all of the cakes went for at least $15. Most went for $30 or more. When the (plain) homemade German chocolate cake went for $51, I got really nervous. I only brought $10. How was I going to get Grant his Army cake?
And then I remembered my Aunt Terri. Just a few days earlier I had gotten a note in the mail. I had seen my Aunt Terri at my cousin T's wedding a month ago when I was still unemployed and going through my rough patch. She sent me a little note telling me how much she enjoyed seeing my kids and how I was in her prayers. Inside the note, she stuck a check for $50.
I received this note a week after I started my new job at the bank. I didn't know what to do with the money. I know she wanted to help me out of a rough spot, but I was now getting out of the rough spot and I felt like I didn't deserve it anymore. Thank goodness, my run of bad luck was over. My mom said that Aunt Terri wanted me to have it even still. "To spend it on something fun with the kids."
The Army cake was coming up for bid. With Aunt Terri's help, I knew I could put in a bid. And then some. The bids went up and up and up. I kept raising my hand. "$25...who's got $26?" I do! I do!
The frenzy of an auction can be intoxicating. You don't ever really feel like you're buying something, you feel more like you're winning something. And I felt like I could really win this cake.
"$45 now, who's got $46?" the auctioneer called out.
"I've got $50!!!!" I yelled, so excited to try and make my little folks happy.
"51!" Someone yelled from the back of the room. "$55!" "I've got 60!" The bids kept going up and up. Higher and higher.
"Mom! Bid higher!" Grant pleaded. But I couldn't. Even with my generous gift, I don't have that much money. I've got a job now, but I also have a year's worth of unemployment debt to recover from.
The cake finally went for $78. Grant started to cry. We had lost the cake he had his hopes on.
"That's okay Grant," I told him. "Remember, the money is going to Zach." (And it turns out that particular cake was going to Zach too. The winning bidder wanted Zach to have that cake.)
There were only two more cakes up for auction. One of them being perhaps the biggest sheet cake I have ever seen in my life. It had the Cub Scouts Bears logo on it and it took almost two people to hold it up. The neighborhood kids who were sitting with me were anxious. To come to a cake auction and come away with no cake just didn't seem fair. And then the bidding began....
"$25...$30....$32....$35....$38?"
"$40!" I yelled and raised my hand!
"Sold! To the woman in the front row with the 20 kids!" My little crew got so excited. They couldn't wait to get a closer look at that cake. I needed a couple of them to help me carry the thing home, it was so huge.
We got back and everyone had a slice. And then some. I took a third of the cake over to the neighbors and sent each group of kids home with another huge chunk. We have had cake for breakfast for the past 3 days. And there is still some left in the refrigerator.
It made me feel fantastic to be able to buy that cake. I was able to get something fun for my kids. I was able to get something fun for all of the kids in the neighborhood. I was able to feed my neighbors. And I was able to help out a kid who was going through his rough patch. A patch rougher than I have ever had to face.
Now, if you can do the math, you must realize that I only spent $40 on that cake. And Aunt Terri gave me $50. What am I going to do with the other $10?
I am going to the store to get some little Army guys, a tank and some graham crackers and I am going to bake the most fantastic Army cake ever!!!!!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Snackin' with Zac
OMG!!!!! I thought to myself. Loudly. Is that who I think it is? Is that....?
I had to stop at Target on my way home from a Mary Kay benefit. I needed toilet paper and bread. (And Target just so happens to have these little single servings of wine that look like juice boxes, but aren't.) I didn't get a cart because I was only getting two things. But I had to pick up some chips and salsa to go with the wine, so now I am fully laden with Target goodness when I saw him walk right by and turn into the aisle behind me.
Zac Lee, third string quarterback for the Nebraska Cornhuskers!!!!!!!! He was first string last year and this year played in quite a few games actually as the other two guys kept getting hurt. And that's one of the things that I love about him. He basically was demoted from a superstar position and rather than be pouty and quit, he sucked it up and for the love of the game and the pride of Nebraska he played anyway. He gave advice to the younger guys that got promoted ahead of him. He's one stand-up guy.
Plus, he's totally hot! I would include a picture of him right here, but I am not legally allowed to do so. So you have to imagine a young Adonis with short brown hair, dreamy eyes, broad shoulders, a twinkling smile, and a schnazzy blue hoodie.
He was there looking in the food section of Target with some guy and I wish I would have paid attention to what they were looking at. That would have made a good addition to this story. "OMG, I saw Zac Lee at Target and he was buying....cheezits or pickles or peanut butter." But I was so flustered it was all I could do to not drop my salsa.
I stood in the next aisle over wondering what to do. What was amazing to me is that I think I was the only one who seems to have recognized him. Should I go up to him and casually give him a wink? "Like you know that I know who you are but I am not going to be obnoxious and spoil your shopping experience because I'm cool like that."
Or should I think of my children and go and ask for his autograph? I considered this but also remembered that my arms were full of toilet paper, bread, wine and chips and salsa. So, rummaging around in my overstuffed purse for something for him to write on and the odds of finding something for him to write with (that wasn't made by Crayola) were slim.
I also considered the honest approach. But then how often does he get women blabbering, gushing all over him saying that they are his biggest fans. He should be able to come to Target with a buddy to by....granola bars without getting accosted by middle-aged stalkers.
Of course by the time I collected my wits and calmed myself down (a little), he was already in the check out lane. I stood in line with my secret wondering if anyone else was going crazy inside.
He left and I couldn't hold it in any longer. "Did you see who that just was?" I exploded. "Zac Lee! And he was here! And in person! And he's a Husker! And I can't believe he was here at Target! And oh my gosh he's so cute!!!!!!!"
The male checker just looked at me. Blankly. "Well you know, he's got a girlfriend."
I took a minute. Thought about it.
So you mean, if it weren't for the girlfriend, I might have a shot with Zac Lee?
Whoo Hoo! Not that there's a 15+-year age difference or that I'm a newly separated, mini-van driving mother of three with graying temples and hopefully eventually smaller saddlebags? Not that he's a collegiate superstar athlete who could rival any movie star with his handsomeness? There's only one thing keeping me from falling into the arms of this hot, young, talented golden boy. It's the girlfriend.
Darn. Oh well. Look me up when you're free, Zac. I'll be at Target, buying some of your favorite....snack crackers?
I had to stop at Target on my way home from a Mary Kay benefit. I needed toilet paper and bread. (And Target just so happens to have these little single servings of wine that look like juice boxes, but aren't.) I didn't get a cart because I was only getting two things. But I had to pick up some chips and salsa to go with the wine, so now I am fully laden with Target goodness when I saw him walk right by and turn into the aisle behind me.
Zac Lee, third string quarterback for the Nebraska Cornhuskers!!!!!!!! He was first string last year and this year played in quite a few games actually as the other two guys kept getting hurt. And that's one of the things that I love about him. He basically was demoted from a superstar position and rather than be pouty and quit, he sucked it up and for the love of the game and the pride of Nebraska he played anyway. He gave advice to the younger guys that got promoted ahead of him. He's one stand-up guy.
Plus, he's totally hot! I would include a picture of him right here, but I am not legally allowed to do so. So you have to imagine a young Adonis with short brown hair, dreamy eyes, broad shoulders, a twinkling smile, and a schnazzy blue hoodie.
He was there looking in the food section of Target with some guy and I wish I would have paid attention to what they were looking at. That would have made a good addition to this story. "OMG, I saw Zac Lee at Target and he was buying....cheezits or pickles or peanut butter." But I was so flustered it was all I could do to not drop my salsa.
I stood in the next aisle over wondering what to do. What was amazing to me is that I think I was the only one who seems to have recognized him. Should I go up to him and casually give him a wink? "Like you know that I know who you are but I am not going to be obnoxious and spoil your shopping experience because I'm cool like that."
Or should I think of my children and go and ask for his autograph? I considered this but also remembered that my arms were full of toilet paper, bread, wine and chips and salsa. So, rummaging around in my overstuffed purse for something for him to write on and the odds of finding something for him to write with (that wasn't made by Crayola) were slim.
I also considered the honest approach. But then how often does he get women blabbering, gushing all over him saying that they are his biggest fans. He should be able to come to Target with a buddy to by....granola bars without getting accosted by middle-aged stalkers.
Of course by the time I collected my wits and calmed myself down (a little), he was already in the check out lane. I stood in line with my secret wondering if anyone else was going crazy inside.
He left and I couldn't hold it in any longer. "Did you see who that just was?" I exploded. "Zac Lee! And he was here! And in person! And he's a Husker! And I can't believe he was here at Target! And oh my gosh he's so cute!!!!!!!"
The male checker just looked at me. Blankly. "Well you know, he's got a girlfriend."
I took a minute. Thought about it.
So you mean, if it weren't for the girlfriend, I might have a shot with Zac Lee?
Whoo Hoo! Not that there's a 15+-year age difference or that I'm a newly separated, mini-van driving mother of three with graying temples and hopefully eventually smaller saddlebags? Not that he's a collegiate superstar athlete who could rival any movie star with his handsomeness? There's only one thing keeping me from falling into the arms of this hot, young, talented golden boy. It's the girlfriend.
Darn. Oh well. Look me up when you're free, Zac. I'll be at Target, buying some of your favorite....snack crackers?
Friday, January 14, 2011
Snuggling with the Jonas Brothers
So if I would have gotten the news 3 weeks ago, I would have been sick. Might have pushed me over the edge. I woke up two mornings ago and it felt cold, I went downstairs to check and it was only 57 degrees. Called the heating guy and sure enough, our 20-year old furnace bit the dust. (Which makes me feel good that I am not a furnace, but really....1992 did not feel that long ago. How ancient must I be if I can outlive a major appliance.) The damage? $1700. The good news? I have a job!!!!!!!!!
I finally got hired. After 13 months and lots of applications and no phone calls and strange personality tests later, I have been hired by a regional bank to do their social media marketing: Facebook, youtube, twitter, blogging....right up my alley!!!! (I told you! You just have to get out of the house every once in a while.)
So, even though this huge expense is debilitating, it's debilitation that can be paid off....eventually. I'll have a paycheck coming eventually. I start on Tuesday. In the meantime, the house was FREEZING. The furnace guys were coming in the morning, but that night we had to go all Pioneer-style.
I borrowed some space heaters from my fabulous friend Christy. (Check out her blog: raisingjustice.blogspot.com) And went to the HyVee to buy some firewood. One of the reasons we bought this house was for the fireplace and last night, its value was recognized 10-fold. At this point the temperature in the house was only 52-eventually it got down to 44. It was the coldest day of the year so far in Lincoln, NE. Something like 5 below with 11 below windchills. (And yes, for my friends in Fargo, that is nothing. You have it much worse. Remember, I lived up there for 6 years. That is why I do not live there now.)
I decided that the kids and I would all sleep in the tv room with the fireplace. The rest of the house was already very cold. I grabbed as many blankets and pillows as I could and made a nice little mommy nest in front of the fireplace. I also thought ahead (so proud of myself for this one), and grabbed clothes for the kids for the next day, because I know how tough it is to put your warm body into semi-frozen undergarments. (Again, Fargo. 6 years.)
I got that fire going. Read book after book. Did a lot of snuggling. And I am well aware that I start my new job on Tuesday. My days of being able to take the kids to school and pick them up are over. The trek home after a long day of math and reading and writer's workshop are over. My days of helping Mia's kindergarten class learn how to hold marshmallows in their mouths, over. (Brilliant idea of how to keep little ones quiet: Tell them to hold pretend marshmallows in their mouths.) Bundling the kids up, looking for shoes, packing backpacks and watching them walk in those school doors to be "educated." Those days are over. I'm not a reluctant stay-at-home mom any more.
But now, I can pay for a furnace. I do have to admit that I was a little worried about our safety. The temperature was dropping in the rest of the house and even in our little room, outside of our nest, it was pretty chilly. I had my fake down comforter for the boys. And Mia and I had on 3 layers of blankets, including a blanket featuring the Disney pop sensation the Jonas Brothers-a "hand me down" from one of my sister's friends. (Oddly enough, in our current cable-free, economic status, my daughter doesn't know exactly who the Jonas Brothers are. But they look cute enough.) And I don't know what kind of fleece hybrid this blanket is made out of, but it is an amazingly warm little throw. And perfectly sized for a 39 year old woman and her 5-year old.
After what seemed like the 30th chapter out of a Harry Potter book, the kids finally fell asleep. I kept an eye on the fire hoping that we didn't either catch on fire or freeze in the middle of the night. As I looked in the fire, I got all spiritual and philosophical. (As most do while gazing into a roaring fire at 3 in the morning.) I was reminded about how crazy it is that fortune and tragedy are intermingled. I get a job. I have to pay for a furnace. The house is freezing, but we have a fireplace. We could become little people popsicles in the middle of the night, but we would have adorable Jonas Brothers wrappers.
As I finally drifted off to sleep myself, I was grateful. Grateful for the blessings that I have been given. Grateful for my children. Grateful for wonderful, supportive friends. Grateful for the opportunity to now show a business what I can accomplish. Grateful to be alive in 2011, where we actually have solid walls and cars and furnaces (when they work) and indoor plumbing (as cold as our toilet seats got....I could only imagine having to walk 10 feet to an outhouse.)
And last, but not least, of course, I am grateful for snuggling with those Jonas Brothers.
I finally got hired. After 13 months and lots of applications and no phone calls and strange personality tests later, I have been hired by a regional bank to do their social media marketing: Facebook, youtube, twitter, blogging....right up my alley!!!! (I told you! You just have to get out of the house every once in a while.)
So, even though this huge expense is debilitating, it's debilitation that can be paid off....eventually. I'll have a paycheck coming eventually. I start on Tuesday. In the meantime, the house was FREEZING. The furnace guys were coming in the morning, but that night we had to go all Pioneer-style.
I borrowed some space heaters from my fabulous friend Christy. (Check out her blog: raisingjustice.blogspot.com) And went to the HyVee to buy some firewood. One of the reasons we bought this house was for the fireplace and last night, its value was recognized 10-fold. At this point the temperature in the house was only 52-eventually it got down to 44. It was the coldest day of the year so far in Lincoln, NE. Something like 5 below with 11 below windchills. (And yes, for my friends in Fargo, that is nothing. You have it much worse. Remember, I lived up there for 6 years. That is why I do not live there now.)
I decided that the kids and I would all sleep in the tv room with the fireplace. The rest of the house was already very cold. I grabbed as many blankets and pillows as I could and made a nice little mommy nest in front of the fireplace. I also thought ahead (so proud of myself for this one), and grabbed clothes for the kids for the next day, because I know how tough it is to put your warm body into semi-frozen undergarments. (Again, Fargo. 6 years.)
I got that fire going. Read book after book. Did a lot of snuggling. And I am well aware that I start my new job on Tuesday. My days of being able to take the kids to school and pick them up are over. The trek home after a long day of math and reading and writer's workshop are over. My days of helping Mia's kindergarten class learn how to hold marshmallows in their mouths, over. (Brilliant idea of how to keep little ones quiet: Tell them to hold pretend marshmallows in their mouths.) Bundling the kids up, looking for shoes, packing backpacks and watching them walk in those school doors to be "educated." Those days are over. I'm not a reluctant stay-at-home mom any more.
But now, I can pay for a furnace. I do have to admit that I was a little worried about our safety. The temperature was dropping in the rest of the house and even in our little room, outside of our nest, it was pretty chilly. I had my fake down comforter for the boys. And Mia and I had on 3 layers of blankets, including a blanket featuring the Disney pop sensation the Jonas Brothers-a "hand me down" from one of my sister's friends. (Oddly enough, in our current cable-free, economic status, my daughter doesn't know exactly who the Jonas Brothers are. But they look cute enough.) And I don't know what kind of fleece hybrid this blanket is made out of, but it is an amazingly warm little throw. And perfectly sized for a 39 year old woman and her 5-year old.
After what seemed like the 30th chapter out of a Harry Potter book, the kids finally fell asleep. I kept an eye on the fire hoping that we didn't either catch on fire or freeze in the middle of the night. As I looked in the fire, I got all spiritual and philosophical. (As most do while gazing into a roaring fire at 3 in the morning.) I was reminded about how crazy it is that fortune and tragedy are intermingled. I get a job. I have to pay for a furnace. The house is freezing, but we have a fireplace. We could become little people popsicles in the middle of the night, but we would have adorable Jonas Brothers wrappers.
As I finally drifted off to sleep myself, I was grateful. Grateful for the blessings that I have been given. Grateful for my children. Grateful for wonderful, supportive friends. Grateful for the opportunity to now show a business what I can accomplish. Grateful to be alive in 2011, where we actually have solid walls and cars and furnaces (when they work) and indoor plumbing (as cold as our toilet seats got....I could only imagine having to walk 10 feet to an outhouse.)
And last, but not least, of course, I am grateful for snuggling with those Jonas Brothers.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Unemploment Envy and Naps
One of the features I wanted to include in this blog (besides the therapeutic release of being able to share the stories of this crazy Tilt-a-Whirl of a life I have) was to use it as a public service guide for the Unemployed. I'm sure that no government agency will officially sanction it. And that's okay. It's really just a few things that I have learned in my 13 months of being unemployed that I wanted to share with my friends/family that are also newly left "without a paddle."
So here are some more tips learned from the Unemployment Line:
1) There is no unemployment line. In fact, most times, there is no one to talk to. My fellow "Non-jobbers" joke that the ideal solution is to give unemployed people jobs at the unemployment office, because the office is woefully understaffed.
I think the original idea was to try to make filing for unemployment insurance strictly an on-line endeavor. Which is great, but there are so many questions, the website isn't always clear, and for most of us, this is the first time we have been unemployed and have absolutely no clue how any of this is supposed to work. Talking to a person and having them answer our questions is soothing. Especially for people who are on the cusp of spiraling depression and doom. There is a phone number to call and talk to someone, but I was on hold for 45 minutes the other day waiting to file for my Emergency Unemployment Insurance, (it's been over a year-no job) before I was able to talk to someone. (Also, never call on a Monday. You will NEVER get through.) Which leads me to my next tip....
2) Be nice to the Unemployment Person. He/she can help you a lot. Sure, you have no job, and you are a little bitter about the fact that you've been on hold for 45 minutes or longer and are frustrated and on the brink of financial ruin, and some schmo who does have a job finally picks up the phone to answer your question. The first instinct is to be nasty. But imagine what job this schmo has: nine hours of being yelled at by jerks like you. That's what his/her job is. Maybe a lunch break in there. But nine hours of being yelled at by crazy, slightly unhinged, panic-ridden jobless folks who are disparately clinging to a few hundred bucks a week so they can afford ramen noodles and cheap wine. And I'm guessing these customer service positions don't exactly pay well themselves. So be nice to them. They can submit your paperwork. And get you a check. (Plus, I think the world would be a better place if everyone was a little nicer to each other.)
3) Take a nap. Because you can. You will walk around during the afternoon, envious of all that are working. I drove by a construction site the other day, so jealous of the dirty guy in the hole cleaning out some gunk that needed to be cleaned out in freezing weather. He had a job. He knew he would get a paycheck at the end of the week and he knew that he could pay his bills and feed his family. (I could clean gunk!) But I don't have a gunk-cleaning job right now. They haven't called me back from my application. I've gotten one job-related call this week. Other than that my phone has been quiet. After a certain period of time, there is nothing I can do. I now have to sit and wait. And take a nap. I'm envious of the gunk guy. He's jealous of me for the ability to take a nap in the middle of the day. It's one of the perks of having nothing to do.
You can drive yourself crazy with the "I shoulds." I should be cleaning the house. I should be organizing the garage. I should be cleaning out the closets. I should be alphabetizing the Hot Wheels collection. I should be micromanaging and sorting the Legos. But you will become crazy. You have enough pressure on you to deal with your job loss and on-going depression that it is perfectly okay for you to take a nap once in a while. Go for a walk. Read a silly magazine. Spend too much time on Facebook. All without judgment from the Have A Job folks. If you are honestly applying and looking for work, it is okay to take a break here and there. Just make sure that your hour-long nap doesn't take up your whole afternoon. Or your half-hour Bejeweled session doesn't last all weekend.
Just a few more tips from the Land of Joblessness. I'll have some more as I think about them. I do have a busy day today. Lunch with the first-grader. Maybe a little vacuuming in the afternoon. Right now, I'm off to take a little siesta.
So here are some more tips learned from the Unemployment Line:
1) There is no unemployment line. In fact, most times, there is no one to talk to. My fellow "Non-jobbers" joke that the ideal solution is to give unemployed people jobs at the unemployment office, because the office is woefully understaffed.
I think the original idea was to try to make filing for unemployment insurance strictly an on-line endeavor. Which is great, but there are so many questions, the website isn't always clear, and for most of us, this is the first time we have been unemployed and have absolutely no clue how any of this is supposed to work. Talking to a person and having them answer our questions is soothing. Especially for people who are on the cusp of spiraling depression and doom. There is a phone number to call and talk to someone, but I was on hold for 45 minutes the other day waiting to file for my Emergency Unemployment Insurance, (it's been over a year-no job) before I was able to talk to someone. (Also, never call on a Monday. You will NEVER get through.) Which leads me to my next tip....
2) Be nice to the Unemployment Person. He/she can help you a lot. Sure, you have no job, and you are a little bitter about the fact that you've been on hold for 45 minutes or longer and are frustrated and on the brink of financial ruin, and some schmo who does have a job finally picks up the phone to answer your question. The first instinct is to be nasty. But imagine what job this schmo has: nine hours of being yelled at by jerks like you. That's what his/her job is. Maybe a lunch break in there. But nine hours of being yelled at by crazy, slightly unhinged, panic-ridden jobless folks who are disparately clinging to a few hundred bucks a week so they can afford ramen noodles and cheap wine. And I'm guessing these customer service positions don't exactly pay well themselves. So be nice to them. They can submit your paperwork. And get you a check. (Plus, I think the world would be a better place if everyone was a little nicer to each other.)
3) Take a nap. Because you can. You will walk around during the afternoon, envious of all that are working. I drove by a construction site the other day, so jealous of the dirty guy in the hole cleaning out some gunk that needed to be cleaned out in freezing weather. He had a job. He knew he would get a paycheck at the end of the week and he knew that he could pay his bills and feed his family. (I could clean gunk!) But I don't have a gunk-cleaning job right now. They haven't called me back from my application. I've gotten one job-related call this week. Other than that my phone has been quiet. After a certain period of time, there is nothing I can do. I now have to sit and wait. And take a nap. I'm envious of the gunk guy. He's jealous of me for the ability to take a nap in the middle of the day. It's one of the perks of having nothing to do.
You can drive yourself crazy with the "I shoulds." I should be cleaning the house. I should be organizing the garage. I should be cleaning out the closets. I should be alphabetizing the Hot Wheels collection. I should be micromanaging and sorting the Legos. But you will become crazy. You have enough pressure on you to deal with your job loss and on-going depression that it is perfectly okay for you to take a nap once in a while. Go for a walk. Read a silly magazine. Spend too much time on Facebook. All without judgment from the Have A Job folks. If you are honestly applying and looking for work, it is okay to take a break here and there. Just make sure that your hour-long nap doesn't take up your whole afternoon. Or your half-hour Bejeweled session doesn't last all weekend.
Just a few more tips from the Land of Joblessness. I'll have some more as I think about them. I do have a busy day today. Lunch with the first-grader. Maybe a little vacuuming in the afternoon. Right now, I'm off to take a little siesta.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Names
I went home for the New Year's weekend to celebrate with family and friends and to attend the wedding of my cousin Tee Reynolds (who is the most beautiful young woman in the entire world). I love going to weddings, even in my broken-marriage state. Life is so beautiful so new. Love is young and full of potential, before selfishness and mental illness can spoil it. (Whoops. This is supposed to be a positive blog.) And the great thing now is that I can actually go to out-of-Nebraska weddings. When I was in radio, I couldn't leave during our ratings periods which tended to be in the Spring and Fall, also a very popular time for weddings. Tee has 7 other brothers and sisters so there have been 6 Reynolds weddings in the past 12 or so years and I have missed most of them.
I ran into my cousin's cousin Steve.(I'm not sure if I am related to him or not. If I am once, twice or thrice-removed/) The joke was that at the last Reynolds cousin's wedding, Steve introduced his wife by the wrong name. I think they had been married for a year and he introduced her to my sister as "Amy." Her name is Kim. Whoops! My sister tried to make a joke about how the people in our family always call people by the wrong names, but the year-old bride was not happy.
At another Reynolds wedding, my mother was seated at a table with her brother and his new girlfriend. My mother has a fabulous personality, a warm spirit and can remember lots of things....except the names of things. So you can imagine how great it went over when my mom kept referring to her brother's new girlfriend, "Kathy" as "Sally" his ex-wife's name.
I have had lots of names over my life. I have been Sue Bayou, Deanna Santana, Deanna D, Cyndi Layne and maybe one or two others that I can't think of. My step-mom asked me at the dinner table the night before New Year's whether or not I was going to keep my married name. Absolutely! I've never felt that my name made me who I was. What I did, what I said, how I made people feel, that is what made me who I was. Never my name. A name is just something that you use to call someone. And sometimes people don't even get that right.
My mother-in-law (ex-mother-in-law?) has a terrific method of getting your attention. She came from a family of like 32 kids, had 5 of her own, and somehow always had the neighborhood hanging out at her house. She calls everyone "Charlie." She only needs to remember one name, and, believe it or not, you know exactly when she's referring to you.
And then discussion turned to whether or not I should change the name of this blog. Chris has suggested that I change it for a while, considering I don't talk too much about football. My sister Krissy says that it makes me sound like I should have a son on the Nebraska team. The name came from the idea that I am a mom from Nebraska and I write little stories. But again, the name isn't too important to me, so I'm up for suggestions. "Off the Air?" "The Mic-less Wonder?" "When's She Gonna Snap?" Send me an e-mail or note with any ideas that you have and I will consider them.
Or I suppose I could always call it "A Day with Charlie."
I ran into my cousin's cousin Steve.(I'm not sure if I am related to him or not. If I am once, twice or thrice-removed/) The joke was that at the last Reynolds cousin's wedding, Steve introduced his wife by the wrong name. I think they had been married for a year and he introduced her to my sister as "Amy." Her name is Kim. Whoops! My sister tried to make a joke about how the people in our family always call people by the wrong names, but the year-old bride was not happy.
At another Reynolds wedding, my mother was seated at a table with her brother and his new girlfriend. My mother has a fabulous personality, a warm spirit and can remember lots of things....except the names of things. So you can imagine how great it went over when my mom kept referring to her brother's new girlfriend, "Kathy" as "Sally" his ex-wife's name.
I have had lots of names over my life. I have been Sue Bayou, Deanna Santana, Deanna D, Cyndi Layne and maybe one or two others that I can't think of. My step-mom asked me at the dinner table the night before New Year's whether or not I was going to keep my married name. Absolutely! I've never felt that my name made me who I was. What I did, what I said, how I made people feel, that is what made me who I was. Never my name. A name is just something that you use to call someone. And sometimes people don't even get that right.
My mother-in-law (ex-mother-in-law?) has a terrific method of getting your attention. She came from a family of like 32 kids, had 5 of her own, and somehow always had the neighborhood hanging out at her house. She calls everyone "Charlie." She only needs to remember one name, and, believe it or not, you know exactly when she's referring to you.
And then discussion turned to whether or not I should change the name of this blog. Chris has suggested that I change it for a while, considering I don't talk too much about football. My sister Krissy says that it makes me sound like I should have a son on the Nebraska team. The name came from the idea that I am a mom from Nebraska and I write little stories. But again, the name isn't too important to me, so I'm up for suggestions. "Off the Air?" "The Mic-less Wonder?" "When's She Gonna Snap?" Send me an e-mail or note with any ideas that you have and I will consider them.
Or I suppose I could always call it "A Day with Charlie."
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