An update:
While The Sleep Fairy has not confirmed her identity, The Early Morning Quarter Bandit has asked to be her assistant. He was asking the other night exactly how she does it. "Does she lift my head up first and then the pillow?" "Does she do it all at the same time?" "Does she just slide the treat under?"
Then last night he really thought he outsmarted her. He slept with no pillow. All of his pillows were on the floor.
And this morning he awoke with his head on his pillow and 3 pennies underneath. It's a Sleep Fairy miracle!
Friday, May 21, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Mooning The Sleep Fairy
Okay, so today I have two stories to tell you about and instead of writing two blogs, I am going to tell both in this one and see if I can wrap up the two with some witty tie-in.
Our kids have been super naughty lately. I mean really naughty. "Yelling, screaming, temper-tantruming, getting banned from organizational sports" naughty. I don't know if its too many video games, too much sugar or not enough sleep. They have been the worst at bedtime. Up for 2-3 hours after I put them to bed. So, after doing some research and consulting with their doctor, I decided to call The Sleep Fairy.
The Sleep Fairy will only come if you are perfectly well-behaved at bedtime. You have to put on your pajamas when you are told. The first time, not 5 or 6 times with your mom having to scream at you to "put your jammies on NOW"! You have to brush your teeth when you are told. Again, the first time. You have to do all of this without punching your brother or sister. You can't call them stupid or idiots or butts. You have to sit quietly for book time. You have to lay quietly in your bed, without getting out to steal cereal to snack on in the middle of the night. You cannot complain to your mother that you didn't have any fun today and "why don't we have cable?" and "can we have the hallway light on?" If you can accomplish these things, again without punching your brother and sister (I know. That is the hard part.), The Sleep Fairy will leave you something special under your pillow.
The first night goes great. All three kids sound asleep 15 minutes after being put to bed. Grant my oldest is an early riser. He's the first one up and is so excited that he got a quarter from The Sleep Fairy. Mia wakes up. There is no quarter under her pillow. Spencer wakes up. There is no quarter under her pillow. The Sleep Fairy is sure that she left a quarter under each of their pillows, but there is no money to be found. I have to give each of the kids a quarter from my purse, because I assure them that The Sleep Fairy did give them a quarter, and she thinks the The Early Morning Quarter Bandit must have taken them.
The same thing happened the next night. All three kids were fantastic and went to bed without a problem. Grant found a quarter under his pillow. Spencer and Mia found nothing. Looks like The Early Morning Quarter Bandit struck again. Grant tells me he thinks he knows the identity of The Sleep Fairy. The Sleep Fairy tells him that she knows the identity of The Early Morning Quarter Bandit.
So basically, I've traded one misbehavior for another. I've turned a sleep-deprived, rambunctious child to a thieving, manipulative, well-rested child. I suppose that is progress.
Now here's the other story. The kindergarteners at Spencer's school must really be into butts right now. Using the word "butt." Spanking each other. Some kid even got into trouble for kissing someone's backside. (Adults hear the phrase "kissing someone's butt" and it means something completely different. Kids are pretty literal.).
So Miss Henderson (her first semester teaching-God bless her) decided to teach the kids that "butt" is just another body part like any other, that "butt" isn't any funnier than "elbow," "knee" or "leg." Spencer says to Miss Henderson, "But "butts" are a private part, and private parts are funny." So true child. However, butts are the funniest private part.
Butts are always funny. Always. Its a basic rule of comedy. If you want a laugh, go with a butt joke or a fart joke and you will always score. Sometimes comedians will use other parts and can get a laugh, but sometimes even those jokes can go to far. Other private parts can be funny, but sometimes they can just be gross or just make people uncomfortable. Butts are always funny.
Plumber cracks. Mooning. Falling on it. Depants-ing. Wedgies. Whoopie cushions (butts + farts = comedy gold!!!). They even call it being the "butt of someone's joke." I am sorry, Miss Henderson. Butts are funny.
So remember, when you are getting ready for bed tonight, brush your teeth, get your jammies on, and instead of punching your brother or sister, tell them a good butt joke. And you may, just may get a quarter from The Sleep Fairy. Unless The Early Morning Quarter Bandit gets there first.
(I told you I'd try to tie them together. And if somebody doesn't like it, I suppose you know what they can kiss.)
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Dice and Dips
This is how we roll.......
I got invited to something pretty cool Friday night. My friend Keri (subject of earlier blog "New Friends") is doing a 3-Day Walk for the Cure for Susan G. Komen and put together a Bunco for Boobs fundraiser. She just got done with her chemotherapy and is looking fantastic! Her hair is growing back. Her color has come back to her cheeks, and I have to applaud her for taking on such an unbelievable challenge.
She has spent the last half of a year with her body being beaten down by a disease that is supposed to be a killer. The treatment for that disease can leave the body weakened and sore and whithered. It can leave the spirit the same. But Keri has decided that she is in charge of her body. She decides what her body is going to be doing, what her body can handle, not some stupid disease or the treatment to stop her stupid disease. Cancer may have slowed her down temporarily, but she is the one in control. She has signed-up to walk for 3-days, 60 miles to help raise money to find a cure for the disease that knocked her down. She is training now. Just this weekend she walked a total of 16 miles in training. Her strength and sheer tenacity inspire me.
To raise money for her walk, she organized this Bunco for Boobs night. 20 women attended and we raised $200. Bunco is a dice game that women have been playing since the turn of the century. The last century. There is absolutely no skill involved whatsoever. You roll 3 dice and try to roll the target number. If you do, you keep going, if you don't, play goes to the next player. The women sit at tables in groups of four. I only knew 2 people at this party, so I was excited to get to know 17 other fantastic women. After each round, if you win, you move to a different table. Unless, you are at the head table, in which case, if you lose, you go to the "Bounce" Table.
My friend Lana brought the "Bounce" table. This was a rickety old avacado green card table that someone in her family must have gotten in the late/mid 60's to play their bridge or pitch games on. I could only imagine how many ash trays were full of butts, how many cups of coffee were drank, how many cocktail weenies and sweedish meatballs were eaten around this table. Friday night, by the rules that we were playing by (which by the way in Bunco, I have a feeling that a lot of the rules are kind of made up), if you rolled the dice and didn't roll one of the "target" numbers, you got to pound the table with your fist in order to make the dice jump and "re-roll" themselves. Kind of like a do-over. I loved the "Bounce" table.
In Bunco, when you get 3-of-a-kind it is called a "Binky." (At least that is what this group called it. It could be called something different where you come from.) The winner of the "Binky" gets the honor of holding a special "trophy," and at the end of the night the person holding this special "trophy" wins a prize. Our "trophy" was a pair of furry stuffed breasts strung together by a string. Kind of like fuzzy dice, but with boobs. Now for a run-of-the-mill guys Texas Hold 'Em night, that might sound kind of tacky but this was a fundraiser for breast cancer research after all. When someone would roll 3-of-a-kind, they would yell out, "Binky!" and someone would throw the furry "boobs-on-a-string" their way. Can you imagine the fun of 20 women, rolling dice, drinking cocktails, eating unbelievable dips and hurling a pair of fuzzy boobs through the air?
Oh, and the dips. One of my favorite things about being a woman (that most men I'm sure don't think of) is that women get together they like to out-dip each other. Not in a cut-throat, witchy Desperate Housewives way, but we do like to impress each other with our dips. You don't hear of men who get invited to those poker parties bragging and complimenting each other on their dips. "Ooooh, Larry, what is in this 7-layer bean dip?" But I tell you what, bring 20 women together and there is some gooooood eatin'. There was an unbeliveable jalepeno popper dip, a delicious spinach dip and a really yummy queso. I think that Bunco is just as much about the dips as it is about the dice.
I had a great night. I made a lot of great friends. Had the "Binky" thrown to me a few times. But what I really loved was how I felt connected to womanhood in general. Decades and decades of women have been getting together to play this silly little game. To drink, to socialize and to forget about their diets for the night. To not have to worry about the stresses of their jobs, to not have to worry about the challenges of their children, to not have to worry about the struggles in their marriages or lack there of. Bunco night is just a night to be with the girls. To laugh and eat and drink and throw boobs at each other. And maybe, just maybe, make a little difference in the world. Good luck Keri! I'm cheering you on!
I got invited to something pretty cool Friday night. My friend Keri (subject of earlier blog "New Friends") is doing a 3-Day Walk for the Cure for Susan G. Komen and put together a Bunco for Boobs fundraiser. She just got done with her chemotherapy and is looking fantastic! Her hair is growing back. Her color has come back to her cheeks, and I have to applaud her for taking on such an unbelievable challenge.
She has spent the last half of a year with her body being beaten down by a disease that is supposed to be a killer. The treatment for that disease can leave the body weakened and sore and whithered. It can leave the spirit the same. But Keri has decided that she is in charge of her body. She decides what her body is going to be doing, what her body can handle, not some stupid disease or the treatment to stop her stupid disease. Cancer may have slowed her down temporarily, but she is the one in control. She has signed-up to walk for 3-days, 60 miles to help raise money to find a cure for the disease that knocked her down. She is training now. Just this weekend she walked a total of 16 miles in training. Her strength and sheer tenacity inspire me.
To raise money for her walk, she organized this Bunco for Boobs night. 20 women attended and we raised $200. Bunco is a dice game that women have been playing since the turn of the century. The last century. There is absolutely no skill involved whatsoever. You roll 3 dice and try to roll the target number. If you do, you keep going, if you don't, play goes to the next player. The women sit at tables in groups of four. I only knew 2 people at this party, so I was excited to get to know 17 other fantastic women. After each round, if you win, you move to a different table. Unless, you are at the head table, in which case, if you lose, you go to the "Bounce" Table.
My friend Lana brought the "Bounce" table. This was a rickety old avacado green card table that someone in her family must have gotten in the late/mid 60's to play their bridge or pitch games on. I could only imagine how many ash trays were full of butts, how many cups of coffee were drank, how many cocktail weenies and sweedish meatballs were eaten around this table. Friday night, by the rules that we were playing by (which by the way in Bunco, I have a feeling that a lot of the rules are kind of made up), if you rolled the dice and didn't roll one of the "target" numbers, you got to pound the table with your fist in order to make the dice jump and "re-roll" themselves. Kind of like a do-over. I loved the "Bounce" table.
In Bunco, when you get 3-of-a-kind it is called a "Binky." (At least that is what this group called it. It could be called something different where you come from.) The winner of the "Binky" gets the honor of holding a special "trophy," and at the end of the night the person holding this special "trophy" wins a prize. Our "trophy" was a pair of furry stuffed breasts strung together by a string. Kind of like fuzzy dice, but with boobs. Now for a run-of-the-mill guys Texas Hold 'Em night, that might sound kind of tacky but this was a fundraiser for breast cancer research after all. When someone would roll 3-of-a-kind, they would yell out, "Binky!" and someone would throw the furry "boobs-on-a-string" their way. Can you imagine the fun of 20 women, rolling dice, drinking cocktails, eating unbelievable dips and hurling a pair of fuzzy boobs through the air?
Oh, and the dips. One of my favorite things about being a woman (that most men I'm sure don't think of) is that women get together they like to out-dip each other. Not in a cut-throat, witchy Desperate Housewives way, but we do like to impress each other with our dips. You don't hear of men who get invited to those poker parties bragging and complimenting each other on their dips. "Ooooh, Larry, what is in this 7-layer bean dip?" But I tell you what, bring 20 women together and there is some gooooood eatin'. There was an unbeliveable jalepeno popper dip, a delicious spinach dip and a really yummy queso. I think that Bunco is just as much about the dips as it is about the dice.
I had a great night. I made a lot of great friends. Had the "Binky" thrown to me a few times. But what I really loved was how I felt connected to womanhood in general. Decades and decades of women have been getting together to play this silly little game. To drink, to socialize and to forget about their diets for the night. To not have to worry about the stresses of their jobs, to not have to worry about the challenges of their children, to not have to worry about the struggles in their marriages or lack there of. Bunco night is just a night to be with the girls. To laugh and eat and drink and throw boobs at each other. And maybe, just maybe, make a little difference in the world. Good luck Keri! I'm cheering you on!
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
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