Yelling and Yodeling

So we took the long way home from school yesterday. And I do mean long. Grant had to step in every puddle on the way back in his big snow boots borrowed from our neighbors. And so Spencer had to step in every puddle on the way back in his tennnis shoes. It does not matter how many times you tell kids not to step in puddles or they'll get all wet and their feet will freeze on the way home and shoes don't grow on trees and you'll ruin them and I won't buy you new ones....kids will step in puddles any way.

We were walking (splashing) along, when a mom I don't know from the neighborhood pulled into her driveway. I could hear her before I saw her. She was yelling at her kids. And it had so much force, so much anger, I was honestly shocked. Spencer even commented, "Oh, there's a mean mom." I took a second of pride that no matter how much my children insist that they hate me, at least I'm not a mean mom.

Not to say, that I don't yell at my kids, I do. But I realized, that since I've been laid off, I haven't needed to. And I don't know why that is. Is it because my children all of a sudden out of sympathy took their little angel pills and are miraculously more well-behaved? Am I all of a sudden SuperMom? Definitely not.

But I do think I now have more patience. I have more focus. Instead of splitting my focus between work and home and errands and housework and charity and trying to maintain a social life and sports and all of the other things I have to do in a day, I have time to actually listen to them. And they like being listened too. When Spencer hits Grant for "stealing his gaming," I can actually listen to his problem, tell him violence isn't the way to solve it, and figure out other ways to get what you want when other people don't treat you so nicely. (Something we all could learn).

I used to yell at my kids a lot more. So tired with my sleep-deprived morning show schedule (I'd sleep from 10pm-4am and then try to cram a nap in the afternoon), I had no patience, no tolerance to actually look at my children. Too see them for who they were and who they were becoming. And my quick response to yell at them, (sometimes so loudly, I'd hurt my throat) was helping to mould who they were becoming. And who wants to be yelled at all the time? Get your shoes on! Why can't you just listen! Do what you're told!

Discipline is a tricky thing to learn as a parent. There's a thousand books on the subject. To spank or not to spank. Time outs, punishments. Lots of ideas and methods. But I think the key to disciplining your child (teaching your child), is to really get to know them. Understand what motivates them. Understand what's important and what affects them to act in both loving and destructive ways.

This morning, I was getting the kids ready for school. They were on the wii (so great we got this little gift before the "cutbacks"). I started to yell at them to turn it off and get ready for school. Time was an issue. We only had minutes and they were not listening. And I was yelling. I heard my voice louder and angrier and remembered the mother from the day before. But how was I going to get them to hear me? Do I have to yodel?

Then I used my head. "Get off the wii or I'm taking it away." You've never seen kids move so fast.

I have this precious time with my kids. I don't want to spend it angry. I don't want the kids to remember me as an angry mom. I realize that sometimes I won't always have the patience to think of another idea. I might not always know the way to solve a problem. But when the urge hits me, I'm going to try not to yell. I'll just learn how to yodel.