The house is quiet today. Grant and Spencer actually had school (no ice/snow days or major holidays) and Mia got invited over to a friends house after pre-school today. A whole day to myself. Or at least that's what my husband must think. A day to watch Oprah and take bubble baths and paint my toenails and eat bon bons.
It's crazy how now that I'm unemployed, I am busier than ever. Running errands, cleaning the house, getting things done for the pool board. (By the way Meadowlane Pool has a fundraising night at Raising Canes next Monday night. If you mention the pool from 5-8, Raising Cane's will donate $1 to the pool) And I shouldn't use the word "un-employed," I am working my Mary Kay business too and have been super busy with that. And of course, there's taking care of the children.
But I feel a tremendous amount of guilt. Guilt for not contributing. Chris comes home from work everyday hoping that I get a job. Lots of stay-at-home moms choose that life. Because they can. I have to work. My income is essential to our existence. I need to make money. And I want to.
My mother worked. So the days of coming home to a hot, nutritious lunch are foreign to me. Mom waiting with cookies in the oven and a cold glass of milk when I got home from school never happened. My mother did teach me what it meant to be driven, to take care of yourself, to multi task and to provide for your family. And now that I'm not providing, I feel a little lost. Incompetent. Purposeless.
As a radio personality, I had a certain amount of prestige and purpose. I was informing and entertaining the community of Lincoln, NE. I helped charities raise money and awareness. I helped area businesses grow. I interviewed the Governor, the Director of the Lincoln Children's Zoo and lots of famous country music stars. I was important. And now I clean toilets. And pick up Legos. And find missing shoes.
I've been thinking about purpose and feeling a little useless today as I was vacuuming up Rosie's dog hair again. And the thought occurred to me that maybe I'm not done being important. Maybe, staying at home, I am making a difference in the world.
Maybe this morning, I made breakfast for the next big country music star. Maybe, I found the next zoo directors backpack. Maybe, I tied a some-day Governor's shoes. And that is pretty important.
I love this. So true! I miss hearing you on the radio. You were an inspiration to all of us full time working moms. Now you are an inspiration to all moms!
ReplyDeleteYour job at home is super important! Being a good mom and "being there" for your kids is the most important job in the world...and you are an aspiring author with a book to be published! hang in there!
ReplyDeleteBeing a mom is the most important job. You'll find your place eventually. I am sure we'd all vote you back you in if they let you send in an audition tape! Probably not gonna happen I suppose....
ReplyDeleteI agree with Nanci and anonymous I would love to hear you and I would love to buy your book. Keep it up! You really have a great heart! Your children and husband are lucky.
ReplyDeleteWhat will your kids remember when they grow up? The interview with the governor, the country stars you met, or the zoo board member you interviewed? Nope, they will remember what you did for them, and at the current time it is God's plan for you to have your purpose at home. You will find a job, you will CONTINUE to contribute, and you will rise above the situation that you have been placed in. Hang in there, you are a mom, you are a wife, you have unending purpose.
ReplyDeleteI agree with all of these postings. I was a stay at home Mom for many years! Yes, I loved it and hated the idea of going to work outside the home. I am a firm believer that God doesn't close a door without opening a window. Be the best Mom and wife you can be right now. Who knows what tomorrow will bring.
ReplyDeleteThe bond I have with my daughter today is from my being home with her. When she went off to school I followed by volunteering, PTO, being a Band Mom, Drama Mom, Cheerleading Mom! Today we are the best of friends and I know it was from my "being there" for her while she was growing up. I also know she is now a great Mom herself....she had a good role model. I miss hearing you on the radio but love reading about your ups and downs. Hang in there....you have support from all your fans!!!
This brought a tear to my eye. We all must find importance and self worth within ourselves on our own. Redefine what makes us a successful woman. The ever changing definition of accomplishment. Sometimes we need to look on a more micro level like you have done. See the importance of the small everyday accomplishment:)
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