Lost Shoes

There is something evil a-foot at my house. And I'm not exaggerating when I say "a-foot." My shoes keep disappearing.

At first it was my cute black strappy sandals that were always a little too sexy to wear to work (when I had a job). Then it was my neutral strappy heels that were fine to wear to work. And then some. They were summer shoes, so I just started thinking that maybe I had put them in a box and then....I have no idea. I've searched my closet. I've searched the coat closet and I've searched the garage. (Which is scary. It's organized, but there is so much stuff in there!) I cannot find either pair of shoes anywhere.

And then it was my ultra-hot black suede platform peeptoes. Or peeptoe. Only one of those is missing. I know that I would never leave one in the box where it is supposed to be and leave the other one in the back of the minivan. These are MY shoes. I love them and take care of them. This particular pair of shoes was extremely special to me (and expensive). They were the first indulgence that I bought with my Mary Kay money ($100) before I lost the radio job, when I had some "extra" money. Something completely frivilous. Something completely for me. And now, I only have one.

Now, it's my silver peeptoe wedges. These I got from Payless. (Much more responsible). But again, only one is missing. The other is sitting there mocking me, "Go find my partner. I'll just sit here on the shoe shelf waiting for you to wear me. No that's okay, I'll wait. (sigh)"

Now these shoes are important for several reasons. Number 1: My Mary Kay convention is next week and I wanted to look cute, professional and impressive and that's hard to do in flip flops. Number 2: Because of a woman's Universal Love of Shoes.

Now all women don't love high heels. Some prefer adorable flats or comfy Bierks. Some like penny loafers, espadrilles, wedges, platforms, running shoes, aerobic shoes, Converse All-Stars....you get the idea. And I didn't even mention boots! The reason that women love shoes is because no matter how big our thighs get, how much weight we gain over the holidays, how many beers and nachos we may consume during our "unemployed phase," we know our shoes will always fit. Every once in a while post pregnancy, our dear "soul" mates let us down, but that's only every once in a while (unless you're that family on cable that named all of their 19 children with a "J" name). Shoes are our standard. A tool in our fashion arsenal that we always know we can rely on when we need to feel a certain way. Powerful. Sexy. Strong. Successful. Comfortable. Shoes are directly linked to our psyche.

So you can imagine how anxious I feel not knowing where my shoes are. I feel like I've lost a little of my self. Somewhere I have two pairs of shoes and two solo shoes waiting for my feet to wear them again. And I have no idea where to look. I've looked in my closet. Under my bed. In my daughter's room (of course, the first place I looked). Searching, searching, searching. And the anxiety of the unfulfilled quest is making me cranky. I've almost bitten my children's heads' off when they have asked me a question whilst I was on hands and knees searching with a flashlight in the dark, dusty corner of the coat closet. I am looking for my shoes.

When you are looking for something, searching, it can be consuming. You forget who you are. You forget the people around you. It feels as if the world will not be "right" until you find what you have lost. Because you know in your heart, you never should have lost it in the first place. If you would have tried a little harder to keep track of it. If you could have been a little more organized. If you would have just been able to focus and give it your attention, instead of just taking it for granted that it would always be there. It's lost and it's all your fault. You've looked everywhere for it, so now what can you do?

The anxiety of looking for something can be overwhelming. Looking for shoes, looking for love, looking for a job, looking for salvation. The good news is, is that there are always people to help. All you have to do is figure out the right people and ask. You might not always luck out, and it might take a ridiculously long time to find your "something", but at least you're looking.

I've thought about paying the kids a few bucks to be my Shoe Bounty Hunters and try to track the missing footwear. But I guess if I really needed to, I could always go and buy more (well, at least the Payless Shoes-unless you are in need of some lipstick....).