The F-Word

I have a love/hate relationship with swearing. I don't like hearing swear words around kids and yet I have been known to throw out a well-varied string of foul language while in unexpected pain. My mother goes to church every Sunday but can swear like a sailor while watching high school basketball. (So funny, people around her at the games, noticing how intently she would follow the action, would always ask, "Which player is your son?" And she would say, "None of them, my daughter is the cheerleader.") I actually prefer to listen to edited songs so that I don't hear bad language in my favorite toons, but I know a well-placed swear word can add extra heft when you need to get a point across.

Of course, I don't like it when kids swear. Sure it's funny when a little baby mistakenly says something else when asking for a firetruck. Who doesn't laugh when a toddler runs around with a pirate ship calling it something else? That is funny because it is not on purpose and accidents are funny.

I've always thought that the real reason people swear (and I try to teach my kids this) is because they aren't intelligent enough to come up with a different word. The English language is full of lots and lots of different words that we can use to mean the same thing. We just have to get creative.

Like Spencer. He has been swearing like a truck driver. Without swearing. Just this afternoon, after his brother snatched his gigantic bag of rainbow popcorn out of his hand (leftover birthday treat), just as he was settling in to play another marathon session of Mario, Spencer yells, "Hey! You are such an F-word idiot!!!!"

He didn't specify which f-word. He said literally "you are such an f-word idiot." The f-word could have been...funny, frugal, fantastic, frumpy, flatulent (ooh, that would be a good one), fat, fraternal....you get my point. So, by not swearing, he was using his creative talents to insult his brother in an ambiguous way.

Ambiguous insults. Could be the wave of the future. Could be the answer to world peace. Could be an awesome band name.