So as of December 11th, I have been unemployed (in a full-time status) for one year. And I have learned a few things. I thought I'd write a little something about what I have learned and you can take it or leave it....(keep in mind, I am still without a job). Maybe this is more of "learn what not to do" list than a "to do" list, but you can make up your own mind.
1) Shower every morning, put on some make-up, and put on your pants. And sweatpants/pajama bottoms don't count. Unemployment ranks right up there on the scale of "death of a loved one" when it comes to emotional stress, ask any therapist. As Americans, our identity is so closely linked to our occupation that when we lose our jobs, it's exactly like losing our sense of who we are. And if we aren't careful, "who we are" can easily become a depressed, lost mess. It can be so easy to stay in bed and/or become one with the couch. So by forcing yourself to be clean, forcing yourself to be presentable, and squeezing yourself into your jeans, you are at least "faking" it to yourself that you know who you are: a clean, pretty, presentable person who will find a job. Very soon.
Very important: the whole jeans vs. sweatpants thing. I have gained 30 pounds over the past year. 20 of which have been in the last 2 1/2 months. Not pretty. But it's really hard to notice the waistline expanding when the waistline of your pants expands with it. Plus a kitchen full of Nutty Bars, Swiss Rolls and Doritos calling your name all day doesn't help either.
2) Get out of the house. Take the mornings to apply for unemployment insurance and look for jobs on-line. But if you sit in front of that computer all day, YOU WILL GO CRAZY. I will admit to being addicted to Facebook, because somewhere in my twisted mind I am sure that one day, someone will say, "Hey! You are so great at this Facebook thing, how'd you like a job doing it for $100,000/year."
Plus, I think there is something to be said for "a watched pot never boils." Get out of the house in the afternoons and someone will call you for an interview. Sit there by the phone and no one will.
Volunteer for something. Help out in your child's class. I've been helping out my daughter's kindergarten class on Wednesday afternoons and have learned a ton about how those little minds work. Plus, she loves it and I get an inside scoop on all of the 5-year old drama going on.
Run an errand. I do a lot of grocery shopping (maybe that has something to do with the weight gain....?) because I love that store. There is just something so soothing about the bright calming lights of the HyVee. All of the employees are so friendly. There's free samples at every turn. And who knew that you could get absolutely delicious fried won tons in the Chinese department of a grocery store. Pick an errand to run and get outside.
3.) Don't expect the call. I have applied for on average 5-6 jobs a week and will get 1 call back for every 20-25 jobs I apply for. And that might even be stretching it. No one calls you back any more. And I have a college degree and 20 years experience in the work force. I suppose I am under/over qualified for a lot of the positions that I am applying for, but.....I just need a job. I've read that if you really want the job, you have to call and pester the hiring manager, but I have noticed that a lot of the jobs that I am applying for are faceless. There's no one to call, no one to talk to. Plus, I never really know if I want the job to begin with. I know I want a job, but there's nothing making me fired up to call the company back so that I can work 50 hours a week selling....door hinges.
But they for sure won't call you. At least not as often as you would like and that can bruise the old ego a bit. So don't take it personally. The job market sucks. You just gotta keep plugging away.
4) B.S. Every once in a while you may get an interview and this can be where things get tricky. I have now gotten to do several interviews, and you start to feel like a robot, answering the same questions over and over again. One of my favorites is "Why do you want to sell door hinges?" (Or obviously whatever the company does that you are trying to get the opportunity to do for them.) And then you have to come up with some inspired and passionate-sounding answer to why you just really want a paycheck because you need to pay some bills and feed your children. "Because I like the idea of being able to open the door on a future with your company....(BS, BS, BS...)"
There is a fine line between creative BS and desperation. If you start to feel that your answers to interview questions are like those coming out of a blond beauty pageant contestant's mouth and don't feel like they are your own, you may need to practice your BS-ing. skills. Find a friend and have them interview you. There are also a lot of great mock interview questions on the internet that you can practice with over and over again. The main thing to remember when shoveling out your BS, if you're not sure of the quality, keep things short. Just a whiff, instead of a full-on aromatherapy session will do for your interview.
There's the first four tips. I'll try and share more over the next few days/weeks. But it's time for me to get my pants on and leave the house. Otherwise I could be trapped in my own B.S.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Locked Out
I am the worst mother ever. (And I'm sure all moms will relate to this story and it's accompanying feeling.)
Last night, Grant had his first basketball practice. I remembered to buy him a new ball, but I forgot to get him some new shoes. So there he was slipping and sliding all over the court in his "running around in" shoes that I bought him in September. (I've heard Michael Jordan started out slipping and sliding all over the court in bad shoes.)
So I took him to the store to buy him some new ones and find out that in 3 1/2 months his Size 3 1/2 shoes were waaaay too small. My little man now wears a 5. His feet have grown a full size and a half in just under four months! This kid has been walking around in shoes that are way too small, so now not only do I have to buy him basketball shoes, I also have to buy him "running around in" shoes. (And yes, I do mean my little man. He just started wearing deodorant. Because he needed to. While I'm sure he doesn't want me to share that with the rest of the world, I cannot believe my baby stinks like a man.)
We went to Target, and he picked out a pair of "skater" shoes (on sale only $19.99!!!) and we headed out the door. This morning we woke up and started getting ready for school. Ten minutes before the final bell rang, we were putting the shoes on, and I realized that I have no idea how to tie these shoes. When I was in school, the skaters wore Chuck Taylors and they were easy to tie. These new Millennium "skater" shoes had two sets of laces. Two sets, per shoe. (WTF!!!!-What the French Horn!?) I could not for the life of me figure out how to tie two sets of shoelaces, especially not on a time crunch (now 8 minutes before they need to be at school), so I yelled, swore, and blamed the stupid shoes. I promised them a certain return to Target (with receipt) and made Grant stuff his Size 5's back into his Size 3 1/2's just so we could get to school on time.
I headed out to Target to return the shoes (with receipt) and as I headed back to my minivan, I fished around in my purse looking for my keys and had that sinking feeling.....I locked my keys in the Honda. There they were, plain as day, sitting locked in the van. And I didn't freak out.
Remembering I have no cell phone, I again fished around in the bottom of my purse, feeling my way past lip glosses, pens, a Hot Wheels car and more receipts for some spare change and headed back into the store. I looked up and down the front of the store, by the bathrooms, by the customer service desk and I realized that it is 2010 (almost 2011) and pay phones don't really exist any more and haven't for at least two decades. Again, I didn't freak out.
Right then, my friend Pam walks through the door. Beautiful, beautiful Pam whom I worked with at the radio station. Beautiful Pam, with a cellphone. Quick hug and "How ya doin'" and she lets me borrow her phone. I call my ex-husband (Estranged spouse? Father of my children? Keeper of the extra van key?) and leave a message on his cellphone telling him that I am locked out, and I realize that I don't know if he will get the message at all. Pam and I chit chat for a while. I leave another message on Chris' phone. Pam has got to get back to work and again, I don't freak out.
I started to feel a little bit like that movie with Natalie Portman, where she's pregnant and lives at Walmart. Only, I'm not pregnant, I'm at Target, and I have a debit card. So I buy myself a sandwich and go sit on the bench outside, just in case Chris should show up with the extra key.
I'm sitting outside enjoying the wonderful day. 50 degrees and sunny on a December day in Lincoln, NE. I'm enjoying watching the people go by. A (I hate to be judgmental, but what looks like a scruffy bum) scruffy bum walks by talking on his cellphone. (I am sure by now that I am the last living person without a cellphone.) My friend Meredith drives by and I consider chasing after her, not to see if she can save me or break into my car to rescue my keys, but to tell her Happy Birthday! And then I decide to walk home.
Target is only about 25 blocks or so from my house. I am guessing 4-6 miles. I used to run 3. I could walk for 6 miles. The weather is beautiful. The only place I need to be is at school to pick up the kids at 3:30 and it is only 1 o'clock. So I leave a note for Chris under the windshield wipers and start to walk.
And that was when I realized that I have been truly, truly blessed. The crises that I have suffered over the past two years with my job loss, my marriage failure and the constant challenge of child-rearing. The pain. The depression. The day to day stress and struggle to keep my head above water. What the "bad stuff" truly prepares us for is for moments like this. I locked myself out of my car. Any other time before this, I would have agonized over this. I would have looked at the worst. I would have stressed OUT at being inconvenienced and despaired over my plight.
But today, it was an adventure. Okay, so I locked my keys in my car and don't have a cell phone, now what? Oh, God Bless! Here comes Beautiful Pam! Oh, I'm stranded at Target during lunch time, now what? Oh, God Bless! Target has a delicious turkey flatbread sandwich. I was able to soak in some sun. I could enjoy watching the Christmas shoppers. I had no place I needed to be. And even starting the six mile trudge home, it was 50 degrees outside. I had to take off my scarf because I got warm. God Bless!
We hear all of the time that God does not give us more than we can handle. Of course when we are going through the storm, all of that seems hard to understand. But it is so true. Every challenge only makes us tougher. Every obstacle only makes us smarter, more agile. The challenges in life are God's gift to us. With every challenge in life, we get stronger and He so wants us to be strong. The good thing is He knows how much we can handle. Even when we don't. And he will reward us on our journey. With good friends, a sunny day, and a delicious turkey flat bread sandwich.
Last night, Grant had his first basketball practice. I remembered to buy him a new ball, but I forgot to get him some new shoes. So there he was slipping and sliding all over the court in his "running around in" shoes that I bought him in September. (I've heard Michael Jordan started out slipping and sliding all over the court in bad shoes.)
So I took him to the store to buy him some new ones and find out that in 3 1/2 months his Size 3 1/2 shoes were waaaay too small. My little man now wears a 5. His feet have grown a full size and a half in just under four months! This kid has been walking around in shoes that are way too small, so now not only do I have to buy him basketball shoes, I also have to buy him "running around in" shoes. (And yes, I do mean my little man. He just started wearing deodorant. Because he needed to. While I'm sure he doesn't want me to share that with the rest of the world, I cannot believe my baby stinks like a man.)
We went to Target, and he picked out a pair of "skater" shoes (on sale only $19.99!!!) and we headed out the door. This morning we woke up and started getting ready for school. Ten minutes before the final bell rang, we were putting the shoes on, and I realized that I have no idea how to tie these shoes. When I was in school, the skaters wore Chuck Taylors and they were easy to tie. These new Millennium "skater" shoes had two sets of laces. Two sets, per shoe. (WTF!!!!-What the French Horn!?) I could not for the life of me figure out how to tie two sets of shoelaces, especially not on a time crunch (now 8 minutes before they need to be at school), so I yelled, swore, and blamed the stupid shoes. I promised them a certain return to Target (with receipt) and made Grant stuff his Size 5's back into his Size 3 1/2's just so we could get to school on time.
I headed out to Target to return the shoes (with receipt) and as I headed back to my minivan, I fished around in my purse looking for my keys and had that sinking feeling.....I locked my keys in the Honda. There they were, plain as day, sitting locked in the van. And I didn't freak out.
Remembering I have no cell phone, I again fished around in the bottom of my purse, feeling my way past lip glosses, pens, a Hot Wheels car and more receipts for some spare change and headed back into the store. I looked up and down the front of the store, by the bathrooms, by the customer service desk and I realized that it is 2010 (almost 2011) and pay phones don't really exist any more and haven't for at least two decades. Again, I didn't freak out.
Right then, my friend Pam walks through the door. Beautiful, beautiful Pam whom I worked with at the radio station. Beautiful Pam, with a cellphone. Quick hug and "How ya doin'" and she lets me borrow her phone. I call my ex-husband (Estranged spouse? Father of my children? Keeper of the extra van key?) and leave a message on his cellphone telling him that I am locked out, and I realize that I don't know if he will get the message at all. Pam and I chit chat for a while. I leave another message on Chris' phone. Pam has got to get back to work and again, I don't freak out.
I started to feel a little bit like that movie with Natalie Portman, where she's pregnant and lives at Walmart. Only, I'm not pregnant, I'm at Target, and I have a debit card. So I buy myself a sandwich and go sit on the bench outside, just in case Chris should show up with the extra key.
I'm sitting outside enjoying the wonderful day. 50 degrees and sunny on a December day in Lincoln, NE. I'm enjoying watching the people go by. A (I hate to be judgmental, but what looks like a scruffy bum) scruffy bum walks by talking on his cellphone. (I am sure by now that I am the last living person without a cellphone.) My friend Meredith drives by and I consider chasing after her, not to see if she can save me or break into my car to rescue my keys, but to tell her Happy Birthday! And then I decide to walk home.
Target is only about 25 blocks or so from my house. I am guessing 4-6 miles. I used to run 3. I could walk for 6 miles. The weather is beautiful. The only place I need to be is at school to pick up the kids at 3:30 and it is only 1 o'clock. So I leave a note for Chris under the windshield wipers and start to walk.
And that was when I realized that I have been truly, truly blessed. The crises that I have suffered over the past two years with my job loss, my marriage failure and the constant challenge of child-rearing. The pain. The depression. The day to day stress and struggle to keep my head above water. What the "bad stuff" truly prepares us for is for moments like this. I locked myself out of my car. Any other time before this, I would have agonized over this. I would have looked at the worst. I would have stressed OUT at being inconvenienced and despaired over my plight.
But today, it was an adventure. Okay, so I locked my keys in my car and don't have a cell phone, now what? Oh, God Bless! Here comes Beautiful Pam! Oh, I'm stranded at Target during lunch time, now what? Oh, God Bless! Target has a delicious turkey flatbread sandwich. I was able to soak in some sun. I could enjoy watching the Christmas shoppers. I had no place I needed to be. And even starting the six mile trudge home, it was 50 degrees outside. I had to take off my scarf because I got warm. God Bless!
We hear all of the time that God does not give us more than we can handle. Of course when we are going through the storm, all of that seems hard to understand. But it is so true. Every challenge only makes us tougher. Every obstacle only makes us smarter, more agile. The challenges in life are God's gift to us. With every challenge in life, we get stronger and He so wants us to be strong. The good thing is He knows how much we can handle. Even when we don't. And he will reward us on our journey. With good friends, a sunny day, and a delicious turkey flat bread sandwich.
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